I'm not sure why my post caused you to become so defensive. Also, this post here kind of contradicts some of what you say on your other thread. At no time did I say your sex life wasn't active BUT from reading your other posts I made that assumption because that was the impression you gave in your writings.
My post to you was not an attempt to convince you that my view of marriage was the right view but let me ask you this...you are engaging in sex with your husband to fulfill his needs. Is it working for your marriage? Are you feeling a connection with him and actually wanting to have sex with him? Judging from your posts I don't think so.
I'm not so sure you should be defending how you and your husband believe if those beliefs are not producing a sex life that is mutually satisfying. Your sex life is active and he is tremendously satisfied. You are in pain though. That obligation I spoke of is two fold. You are not only obligated to satisfy his needs but to also make sure yours are satisfied.
Marriage is a contract, with any contract comes certain obligations to every party in the contract. As much as it would be nice to think that it is shared responsibility it isn't. You can't share in your husband's responsibility to give you the emotional support you need. There are actions he needs to take toward you just as there are actions you need to take toward him. Until both parties are acting in the needed ways only one party to the contract is going to be getting any satisfaction from the contract. Saying that it is a "shared responsibility" lets the other person off the hook for their hurtful actions.
Your husband has an obligation to you just as you have one to him. Holding each other accountable for meeting those obligations is the healthy way to maintain a marriage or any other relationship. Maybe if he knew that you were engaging in sex with him out of a sense of obligation he might stop and think about why you aren't feeling a deeper connection with him and finding more enjoyment.
All I have are opinions, thoughts and ideas that are based on my experience. I've always been one to give my opinion but have never been one to push my beliefs off on others. That is not my desire here. This board is for opinions and when they are read we all have the choice to listen or tune it out. It's not my wish to hurt you or engage in battle with you...only want to give an opinion. Cathy
