PS, It sounds like you need to practice with managing fear and other emotions. Posting to the Piecing forum is helpful with that, but you must find a way to break the pattern of emotional reactivity.
I notice you used the word devastating to describe the impact of the potential loss of your H. That is an interpretation that you have made. Subjective interpretations can be modified by us. Interpretations aren't necessarily an accurate reflection of reality.
I think the the change we need to make is to be more mindful instead of reacting in habiutal ways. Modify your language to distinguish between feelings and beliefs. It would be more accurate to say that I think it would be devastating if my H were to leave. I would feel afraid and sad if he left.
Can you see the difference? Feelings can't be disputed. Beliefs must have a foundation to support it.
Practice distinguishing feelings from beliefs, and see if that helps you to get a little distance from your emotions, and to counter the reactivity we all struggle with in Piecing.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
