I am you. I am 47, wife also 47, and we have four children (altho slightly younger -- D20, D18, S14 and S11; two sons still living at home). I have been in an affection-starved, sex-starved marriage for most of the past 20 years, after the early years of our marriage were full of sexual bliss.
I argued about it, fought about it, begged about it and pleaded about it, but the ONLY success I've had over the years were the three times when I threatened separation, threatened divorce, and actually FILED for divorce.
When my wife saw that I was serious, she became serious.
This is sad, that it takes this, but it's a VERY common story on these message boards. You need to sit your wife down one more time, hold her hands and look her straight in the eyes, and say "Listen to me." Then tell her in your own words how much you love her, and how much her rejection hurts you, and that you -- after much thought (and prayer, if you're so inclined) -- have decided that you are no longer willing to live in a sexless marriage. Pick a date -- an anniversary date, New Year's, whatever -- but have a deadline.
Only do this if you mean it.
When she sees that you are serious, she will respond. Whether her response "sticks," I am still a skeptic on that, but it WILL work.
She will take the subject of your needs seriously when YOU begin to.
I wish you luck. I know exactly how you feel, and it hurts.
