I Was Almost A Walk-Away Wife (next thread)

[Dom R]

In contrast, "I am going to be sexually intimate with you, because seeing you sexually happy makes ME happy... i WANT to see you sexually happy!" is all positive.

That was the concept I was trying to get him to see when I told him that I did not want him to fear that I would reject him and that I would have sex and was available to him anytime b/c I wanted us to have a close and happy M. Maybe I did not know how to properly state it, but that was what I meant. It had the absolutly opposite effect that I had expected.

Heya Sandi,

I see what you wrote, and I think I understand your intentions.
The thing is.. its not the same thing as what I wrote.

What you wrote, is a variant of "i will GIVE YOU sex".(or at least, can be interpreted that way. and it seems that is how your husband took it)
It's less of a guilt trip.. but it's still "sex is something that YOU want. so I will willingly give it to you".

Whereas what I was describing, was much more *active*.

Think about this silly example. Let's say that you know that your husband really likes the way you cook meatloaf.
Compare the two following ways of handling it.

"Honey, i know you like meatloaf. So, if you want to ask me to make it, you just go ahead and ask me, and I will make it for you".

Yes, that's a nice thing to say. but compare it to a different internal thought process of,

[Hmm.. my husband looks a little down lately. I know that he really likes it when I cook meatloaf. I think I'll surprise him, and spend the extra time and effort to cook it for him today. It's a lot of effort, but just thinking about how happy it makes him, makes me happy!]

Big difference, yes?

I think that your husband was hoping for the second type, but instead, you gave him the first.
He was hurt, not neccessarily because you werent horney... but perhaps because you didnt feel like the second.