Sounding good 789. I think sometimes those arguments are productive... I mean NOT arguing / conflict avoidance is one of the major predictors of D. I don't think arguing all the time is good and of course you want to "fight fair" - but it's good to get it out there at times.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Agreed. Maybe she needed you to break her out of that shell. I dunno. Maybe it is about respect or confidence. You need to stand up for yourself and stop walking on eggshells because she needs to respect you and know that she may lose you if she does not step up. You can continue showing unconditional love but you deserve to be treated with respect also.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Survived the first holiday of the season. Her parents came up for almost a week, about the best I can say about that was it was uncomfortable. Not that it was a good thing, but her parents laid into her the night before they left and again the morning before they left.
To give you a short version, her parents could see very quickly the 180's I have made in my life and at the same time could see that my wife has had done nothing in changing anything. She also told them that she wasn't sure what she wanted, whether it was to be married or not, and they could see no effort by her when I was home. Now with this coming 3 months after she asked me back it did not go over very well with them.
So the afternoon on the day they left when I came home from work she was crying her eyes out. She complained to me about how her parents treated her, I at this time did not help and spelled it out to her why they were pissed at her and her actions. Now this was last Monday when this all happened. I can honestly say that since I woke up Tuesday, this stranger that I have been living with has reverted into the women that I married. Probably against all DB'ing principles but between our argument a couple weeks ago and now her parents who until last week supported her in her doing whatever she wanted to be happy doing an about face, she is "WAKING UP"
So the last four days have been a pleasurable time together. I have been getting from her, with no prodding from me, a hug, a kiss and an ILY when I get up in the morning, when I come home from work, and when she heads off to bed. The best part is she seems actually happy.
So much for being short lol.
Hey just 5 more days til Sonoma
M 41 W 33 S8 S17 Bomb 3/11/07 S 3/28/07 New beginning? 8/31/07
I see that I have not posted since 12/1/07 . I had not given up but had to take a break from worrying about my wife and spending most of my free time here, not that didn't help in a lot of ways. Also I was a no-show in Sonoma, sorry NikB & Husband. I have checked up on peeps in here almost weekly but just did not feel that I had anything to contribute, so I stayed silent.
So here is a long over due update, and I know I am skipping lots of things, but that's life. The better part of December sucked, and got worse the day after christmas, my mom passed away. My wife and I dropped our youngest off at her parents and headed to my parents place alone, he joined up the day after new years for the funeral. In ways that to this day I still do not understand but this period was a turning point for my wife. The moment we arrived my wife, not just trying, but truly started working on us, not sure if it was the emotions or what, but she is still going strong. She knew the whole time that my mom was ill that her only wish in life was that the two of worked it out, might of been late, but I can guarantee she is up above and smiling now :). I have been slow an cautious just waiting for the other shoe to drop and the roller coaster to start up again, but now 6 months back together in the same household, I finally feel safe that we are back together for the long haul. It is amazing that even when you get back what you want, you still fight the emotions and actions that can screw it back up.
I remember way back that a lot of people never find the outcome of people here because whether they stay apart or reconcile they have usually stopped posting, so one reason I am posting today is to say if you have a thread of hope, there is a chance. It will take more time, effort and emotion than you think you have the patients for, but what is important is that you know what you want. Those things you want the most are always the hardest to achieve.
Not sure what advice I can offer to all those here but to say that stay true to your convictions and give that WAS the time they need to come to terms with themselves and your families, till they do that you are fighting an uphill battle. It is the same stuff you keep hearing GAL, but don't due anything you would regret should you and your WAS ever do come back together.
M 41 W 33 S8 S17 Bomb 3/11/07 S 3/28/07 New beginning? 8/31/07
thanks for the hope. we can alluse it sometimes. to see a sich that worked is reassuring to say the least. Good luck my friend and keep fighting the good fight
. I had not given up but had to take a break from worrying about my wife and spending most of my free time here, not that didn't help in a lot of ways. Also I was a no-show in Sonoma, sorry NikB & Husband. I have checked up on peeps in here almost weekly but just did not feel that I had anything to contribute, so I stayed silent.