#1 - My wife told me in early 9/02 that she wanted a divorce. That was the first inkling I had of a problem. She came and said that she didn't love me anymore and never had. That we had always been a mistake, etc. Line after line that you would read in DR.
#2 - Wife had met OM in late 7/02 that she became interested in. Affair lasted about two months. We have been married 17 years this week, four kids 9-13.
#3 - I went looking for support for divorced Dad's on the web in 9/02 - stumbling across DR and divorcebusting.com. After spending an hour on the site, I went from thinking I'd be getting divorced to thinking that I had a 70%+ chance of saving my marriage. I lived DR, and will always live DR, and also read "Women in mid-life Crisis" by the Conways. This brought about change in me, and subsequently in my wife over the last few months. She now acknowledges MLC, though I also admit I contributed to it in too many ways, including teasing her inappropriately about her body and not helping around the house or helping with the kids enough. Wife's friends and others told her repeatedly to think carefully about what she was doing - I had many allies that are "her" friends who supported me in my desire to save my marriage.
#4 - She told me that so damned many times I couldn't count them all. Every single one tore my heart out.
#5 - She spent a couple of weeks sleeping at a girlfriends house. Our kids knew something was going on, but they didn't know what.
#6 - We went together once. She went a second time and won't go back, she doesn't believe that it would help in any way. I went a number of times, may go some more too, but not sure yet.
#7 - Yes. From the outside looking in, our life looked normal.
#8 - see answer to #1.
#9 - Constantly. My efforts at saving our marriage were met with anger and frustration. She said she had prayed for months that I would change - but never told me that I needed to change or that she had a "deadline" of 7/02 for me to do so. She also said that I destroyed her plans. She and the OM had decided that they were each others only true love and that they would be lifepartners - I screwed that up by "changing". I have changed - and it's all for the better!
#10 - She didn't know that she was experiencing MLC, though she acknowledges it now. I did contribute to it as noted above, I don't think it would be as severe if I hadn't.
Based on a conversation that I had with W last night, I consider myself and my marriage a "success story". I give us a 99.9% chance of making it for life now. I have DR and my contacts at divorcebusting to thank for it. THANKS to all of you who gave me advice when I needed it the most.
