Input, WH and I own business together

[grid, lost]

mike,
yes have read 6 stages of MLC, my H seems to be in stage 6, he already crashed with the depression. Very very bad depression. At times, no moment from moment H seems to go from might like to soon talk again (to me) to there is nothing left to talk about. I am gone ! In fact yesterday I went back wards and became really mad with him. Even talked D, he seemed fine with that one to. Mentioned I had been laying in bed thinking about all money to be spent on attornies for D and the hughe amount of C one could buy with that sort of money. H could have cared less and had no comment. Boy does he ever make me mad then ! lol So I am making sure not to come in contact with him today for any reason. Business can burn to ground as far as I am concerned I'll not take his call or contact him. Not that he is likely to call me. Some times wish i had another guy could go out with just to try and make him jealous ! my luck he wouldn't be jealous, rofl.

WOW your kids and you (mom too) sure had quite the scoccer life ! Nice everyone had so many good times and experiences from the sport. Very lucky indeed. i was in school before girls were encouraged to do anything other than be a cheerleader or a secretary ! YUKE1 I wanted to play not stand on sidelines! lol So I became very competitive in horse shows and barrel racing. Barrel racing is one competitie professional sport these days. If only I had followed my dreams, mmm, is that a MLC, moan I hear. lol
I never realized salt water had to have such a big tank! What breed of angels did you raise? I am going to go on line and see if can connect with couple acquatic societies.
Don't beat yourself up to bad about doing everything wrong since last summer. We all reacted the same. no one ever teaches us relationship skills growing up. H left oct 2006 and not till a year later did I really start looking in to research. Thought I would figure out something myself. My big mistake. Although, have to say for 9 months a MC insisted I keep coming to see him. I was ill, money problems, depression and then H walking out. Believe the C. feared I might look for a high bridge or something. Actually I felt like C was more upset about my stich than I. LOL I just kept believing in time H would try to work things out. Wrong.
Strange your wife would let go of all her friends as you say. that is depresssion for sure. Say she isn't one of us, SAS, people is she. SAS= Season Adjustment sydrome. People who can not tolerate, short hours of day light. Guess it is a medically recognized severe form of winter depression. I after fighting this for 10-15yrs just broke down and purch. a special light to use and help SAS. I have only been using it for about a week and something is different. Even Cornell University has a special lighted lounge for SAS. Staff and students can use it if they desire. Can this possibley end the depression goes on and on.???? Time will tell us.

I don't quite understand why you would want to file a conter suit??? why would you care if your wife drops her D filing? Missing something here???? Can she do more damamge by waiting ? IF she would drop D would you still go through and D.?
Well I certainly have rattled on long enough.
oops, forgot to mention. sent H a thank you card for the gift he had given me. He was so happy I thought to send him a card and thanked me a couple times. Now go figure
later,
grid

[micoms]

If W dropped the D and wanted to work on our M, it would be my dream come true. My atty said that it would be up to me to drop D if she drops it. He says she could drop the D if she doesn't get what she wants and refile later.

We were seeing a MC through the summer, but I didn't understand what she was trying to explain until I read DB & DR. When she would see me alone, she didn't explain the things I was doing would only drive W away. Mc would talk through most of our sessions. I'm still seeing MC for myself, will see her for the first time since surgery.

W is in withdrawal I think but still is in depression. She has been depressed for about the last year. She works and sleeps. I would come home from work and she'd be sleeping, wake up for dinner and be back asleep by 7. She told me she fell asleep At 7:30 PM and woke up at 10:30 AM the next day, 15 hours of sleep! I didn't know it at the time but over sleeping is a sign of depression also. She's been oversleeping for over a year, I withdrew because I felt ignored.

All angel fish are the same breed, a silver will spawn with a gold, there are many strains within. The strain I bred were jet black super veil. their tails were about 2 to 3 times the length of their bodies. I found them in a little pet shop in Troy, Ohio. The man who owned the shop was a breeder who shipped his fish all over the country. He had a stroke, his wife was trying to keep up the operation but was down sizing. I was the only one in my area that had them, although several members of the aquatic society I was in ended up buying some. Every spring they would auction off fish members brought in, when I brought my fish in they went nuts. 4 fish went for $100. Every time I go into a pet store I look for some angels like I had but never see any.

Soccer sure was fun, I coached several or their teams until the team got to were i couldn't teach them, they were beyond my abilities as a coach. I coached my youngest daughters team in rec league(had her play rec because she was a goalie in select, 8yo too young to be just goalie). Our teams went to State Tournament for 5yrs.Helped with sons teams they made state 3 times. Talking with oldest son he wishes he would have taken soccer more seriously earlier. He led high school team in scoring two years. D19 started varsity as a freshman. A lot of girls were jealous of her ability, especially the seniors that year.

Good to hear H appreciated thank you card. I know what you mean with one minute they seem to want to work on M and another don't care at all. When i talked to W at Tday she seemed to be thinking about what i was saying, then she would just get cold again. Try to have patience with your H, hopefully he'll continue to connect. My W hardly initiates a call. We mostly talk when I go to D24's house. Keep up the good fight. remember Patience, patience, patience.

Mike

[grid, lost]

I know what you mean with one minute they seem to want to work on M and another don't care at all. When i talked to W at Tday she seemed to be thinking about what i was saying, then she would just get cold again. Try to have patience with your H, hopefully he'll continue to connect. My W hardly initiates a call. We mostly talk when I go to D24's house. Keep up the good fight. remember Patience, patience, patience.

Mike

I know exactly the tone of voice you are ref. when say your W goes cold ! H is dead silence, I don't even believe he keeps breathing. I do become impatient to quickly, Irish in me i guess. Try not to and the funny thing is if I am working with an animal I have all the patients in world !!! Some times I even have to tell myself with H, just imagine you are trying to communicate with one of your pups, go slow. Isn't that strange I have a short fuse for two legged animals and all time in world with 4 legs.!!! lol speaking of pups, i hear mine are into something right now. BRB...Whew, just a plastic water bottle they are playing with.
Yep, if your W was sleeping as she was, most likely depression. Could from those D_m from hormone change to. that raises Hell for us ladies!
I am going to try Coaches and see what happens. First I have to get the $400.together. Saving as I type. figure it is at this point one of my best options. Spoke with staff member @ Michele's office and agree with her input. My concern is the longer time goes on, what if time isn't healing his wounds, maybe more time isn't better. ??? I will keep you posted anyway. I am going to start reading each day a couple posts by those who have made it back and am going to read a couple posts bythose who have gone through MLC.
Now those angel fish you raised. By any chance were they called double dark black ghosts???
you sorta peeked my curiousity and I've been on line. discovered Just an hour from me is an angelfish breeder and has some really nice koi angels !!! Actually they are breath taking to be honest. So emailed and ask if I could pick them up to save shipping.
Your fish must have been breath taking if they had vails size you say !!!!Wow. see dog breeders always want to raise a pup or two fits the script of your fish. Mike after all time I spent on line did not locate a single fish breeder raising anything close to what you were breeding.
Thanks for reminding me, I must be patient, patient, patient. Maybe one of these days I'll send H a thank you card. Like it or not, planned or not, he certainly forced me to learn an awful lot about myself. some of it shocking and some really hurts. If only we had forsight.
later,
grid

[grid, lost]

[quote=micoms]

We were seeing a MC through the summer, but I didn't understand what she was trying to explain until I read DB & DR. When she would see me alone, she didn't explain the things I was doing would only drive W away. Mc would talk through most of our sessions. I'm still seeing MC for myself, will see her for the first time since surgery.

she fell asleep At 7:30 PM and woke up at 10:30 AM the next day, 15 hours of sleep! I didn't know it at the time but over sleeping is a sign of depression also. She's been oversleeping for over a year, I withdrew because I felt ignored.

when you and W were both going to C together, How was W, with you then,? engaging or defensive, angry? Why did you two stop going? IF W went this summer would she consider going back (without judge forcing her)? Would she go if you explained your sorry you didn't listen correctly to what she was trying to say and would like to hear from her again????? any chance of this.
Mike, if you can find a C who is (as Michele says) pro marriage and goal setting, with your new DR knowledge and board skills . Bet you two could at least start to talk and make a bit of sense to each other.
If your W is still fighting Depression, get her or have her children get her to a medical dr. She needs meds bad. I fight depression a lot. Long term depression is very hard for another to understand if you have not experienced the depression. Nothing in your life is worth anything, getting through the day hurts, what you use to love to do is of no interest, just terrible. A black pit you can't find a way out of and looks hopeless in time. At one time I had a work schedule that was way off the norm of society. Weekends, late at night, etc. Which in its self means, you become isolated from rest of the world. You sleep when everyone else is up..you want breakfast when everyone else wants a full course dinner, etc. For myself long periods of living like this leads to depression in its self. Maybe your W's work schedule had a lot to do with it as well. Hope some of this helps you some how.
I'll stop rattling on so. sorry

[micoms]

Grid,

Surprised to see you were still on as of 5 min ago. Just got home from visiting some friends at the bowling alley, I used to bowl in the league there on Thurs. The last time I was there was the night before I went to the hospital. Told everyone of my surgery. A few of the women that bowl there I found out are going through D's also. Told them I'm not giving up on W. One might be interested in seeing each other when our sitch's work out, don't think I'll be ready for that for quite a while, but nice to know someone is interested. Everyone commented I looked skinny, imagine that I am down to 207lbs and still want to lose some more.

I'm going to sign up for coaching also, the only problem I have is W didn't make payments on credit cards in my name for a while before she left(she took care of paying bills and hid that). I have paid one off and two others are in collections. I also found out on the web relationship Rich. It's a 5day intensive training seminar. Costs $1700 plus room, but sounds like it might be good, Cheaper than paying atty's for D. It's based on Dr Phil's Therapy. Don't know if he's affiliated with it or not.

The angels I bred were called jet black super veils. I was the only one who had them in my area. They weren't prolific spawners. It took about two years before they would have spawns of 300 to 400 eggs. Only about 100 to 150 before that. about 15 yrs ago there was a virus that was killing angel fish, Mine were isolated, didn't have any outside fish. I made the mistake of buying a pair of gold pearl scale veils i noticed getting ready to spawn at a pet store. They had the virus and wiped me out.

When we were going to MC, I didn't understand what she (MC) was trying to get us to do. Since reading DB and DR i see it know. We went on vaca together, W was going to move back home after, while at hotel night before coming home she got a text or voice mail and went cold as ice. From reading I see it was probably from OM. They must have had an argument about her going away with me. She was going to put 2 weeks notice in to quit when we returned but changed her mind. She said she wasn't getting anything out of MC session as MC would just talk most of the time.

MC referred her to another C for MLC. W had said in a session she didn't know what was wrong with her, she didn't know what she wanted, who she was, had any outside interests or hobbies. I don't think W ever saw her C. I don't Know if W would go to MC now or not. I would love to go to Retrouvaille or Relationship Rich. W said we grew apart, when we went on vaca, she was looking to fall in love again, she said it didn't happen and decided she wanted a D.

I've spent a lot of time in thinking about my part in us drifting apart. With the hours of her job and no time for me I withdrew. which caused her to withdrawal, so I did more ...I now see I should have approached her about it. Could have had bought TV to put in BR so when she went to bed at about 8 at latest, i could have gone with her and watched TV there, and been with her.I think i have done a lot of soul searching and if given the chance work to make our M better than it ever was. I see things i could have done differently. I think she is afraid to try to work on it because she is afraid i can't make the changes in myself and we'll be right back where we were 6mos ago. I know in my heart it wouldn't happen.

Mike

[grid, lost]

Everyone commented I looked skinny, imagine that

I am down to 207lbs and still want to lose some more.

I'm going to sign up for coaching also, the only problem I have is W didn't make payments on credit cards in my name for a while before she left(she took care of paying bills and hid that). I have paid one off and two others are in collections.

Mine were isolated, didn't have any outside fish. I made the mistake of buying a pair of gold pearl scale veils i noticed getting ready to spawn at a pet store. They had the virus and wiped me out.


Mike

Wow, you are becoming skinny! one benefit of an illness. Although sounds as if you have worked yours off or else watching what you ate. anyway you are getting the lbs. off, good for you. Looking in mirror and seeing a stranger there???!

Coaching, spoke with Michele's office, about payment. You are not the only one with credit card problems! We have slowly been having cards written off. Settle with Credit card company, we pay X they write of Y and the difference is considered income for our 1040 return. I am told many times when a banks learns credit problems were do to health issues and medical bills. Well everyone's credit ends up in the toilet. So we will see if they give a bit of leway or not. Back to coaching, M office tells me you can go and purchase a specified amount credit card @ wal-mart,stop and go stores, etc. So what i do is I go to walmart purch. a card for amount I need for coach, call give them the card number and a done deal. That is how Iam going to handle this. oh, BTW, we have had credit card companies give us new cards already !!!!

WoW that is really sad about your fish. You must have been sick! Have to say, haven't seen a black AF yet.
You were the one and must be about the only one.

I get the impression Dr. Phil and Michele are common ground with R recovery. Seems as if they bothhave same approach. What do you think?

Mike i hear you on the soul searching issue. I have gone down the same road. Yet, I selfishly come back to another issue. I could have done a lot of things different and H had a mouth to. He could have spoke up, he could have written a letter, he could have TRIED! LOL guess you can see I am not having a great day.
take care,

[micoms]

At one time I was over 265lbs. Nurse at cardio rehab asked if I still wanted to lose weight, how much more did I want to lose. Told her 10lbs then I'll see if i want to lose more. I think it's easier to set a goal of 10 than to set it at 30lbs, easier to achieve 10.

On the soul searching, I also can see where W had some part, she could have told me she wasn't happy. We were both holding our issues within, didn't discuss them with each other. Lack of communication. But like the book says, someone has to be the first to make changes.

I have read a Dr Phil book, he says a lot of the same things. You can't change your partner only yourself. That 5 day Relationship Rich is on his principles. They have his picture on the web site so I guess he is involved with it. If I could only get W to go to that or Retrouvaille.

I know if given the chance with what I know now , our M would be better than ever. I think she's afraid to try to work on it. She said we could get it back again, but it will eventually go back to where we are now. I know in my heart, with what I've learned here and in books I've read, that would not happen.

Well got to go, I have to go to rehab. I'm the youngest person there, most of them are in their middle 60's.

Mike

[grid, lost]

<I have read a Dr Phil book, he says a lot of the same things. You can't change your partner only yourself. That 5 day Relationship Rich is on his principles. They have his picture on the web site so I guess he is involved with it. If I could only get W to go to that or Retrouvaille.>


Mike, where or which web site were you, that gave info. on Relationship Rich????? Not one of Michele's seminar's is it???
You are so correct someone has to start the change.
goe easy on W Sometimes I get the impression she would like to turn around and get off road she is on....From what I gather, your W has thought about trying to work things out. Keep GAL, she hasn't closed the door totally yet!
Keep reading DR or DB. they have to be our guidance at the present.
Well H is at it again, now sent a Front door Christmas wreath for our house. Of course under the disguise of business write off. Right! I don't know, I have this awful sick feeling my DB to him is reinforcing we all wil soon just be "best friends". As another Board member stated it so eloquently, "I don't want to be the OW to the OW in my marriage"! ! That says it all so very well. H is coming north for business Dec. 10 so maybe I best talk with a coach and see what my most produtive approach should be. If H is starting to think I am accepting the "best Friends" approach, he'll really hurt me at Christmas. Somehow I have to get a reading on this, one way or the other.
My gut feeling is H must have second thoughts or else he would not be doing this small gift thing he is doing????!! Yet, since he goes "ice" any mention of M or our R my gut says he is doing the gift thing to just smoth things over and move on in ref. to having walked away to OW. anyone reading this post your thoughts will certainly be welcome.
grid, so lost

[micoms]

Hin Grid '

Surprised you're still on. I went out with S25 and his friends, they worked with him at a sears store that I serviced the escalators and elevators. We went to a bar, I'm sure he wanted to get me plastered but I didn't. Played a little pool, been about 15 yrs since I last played.

Hard to GAL, I've been tied to the house since my operation, but it was good to get out tonight. Went to a neighborhood bar near S's friends house. He pointed out the single women who were looking for a good man. I told him i'm not interested now, don't want to get even with WI don't get the impression from W she wants to turn it around. I see glimpses of she may be our sitch, but nothing to to make me think she wants to work on us. How I wish she would.

Web site for RR is http://www.relationshiprich.org/pages/five_days.htm, its a 5 day course.

Let your H continue to give you gifts, if he wants you to do something with him and OW, refuse , tell him you can't be the third wheel. His bringing gifts is his way of staying connected to you and possibly to rid himself of some guilt, accept the gifts for a while, let him get closer then tell him you can't be the second woman.

Don't bring up M or R talks unless he brings the subject up first. I know it's hard, if i left it up to my W I don't think she'd ever talk about it. Has H ever brought up talks of R?

I haven't heard from W since T-Day. Keep your head up, I know Ive had days where I've been depressed about my sitch. I just muddle through till someone picks me and my spirits up again. Reading others posts sometimes help. Well got to go .

Mike

[grid, lost]

Mike,
How were the meat bars this evening???? lol (meat bar is a slang from my drinking yrs, bars everyone is checking everyone out,) bet yr 25S is handsome guy! He one of the soccer players to? All your kids were into soccoer right? Lord I can neither type or spell tonight.
Ok, I'll let H give me gifts. H is coming north 12-10, so i guess mentioned to you I am going to try a coach. I'm getting quite worried over the gifts, best friends, etc. issue. LOL, I had to laugh when you suggested I let him get closer then say I can't be the OW in yourlife!!! Good thought very good thought. H never mentions R, never.
I feel for you. when S just walks off like that. So unfair, so cruel as the one left behind doesn't even get a chance to fail. that is all you want just a chance. But then I had someone else say a WAS ine of thinking will turn a dripping faucet into a planned act of torture to justify walking out. So there are a lot of mind games going on in our S head's we do not know of. All can do is wait, say prayer and hope.
All H would say is people are who they are and people don't change. Right
I am going to check out the web link in your posting, thanks. And mike, thanks for advice on H and his crazy gifts.
take care, be well.