Hi Vee,
Be careful what you ask for - I have a tendency to be long-winded......... FYI, I try to stay off the bb (posting) for the most part for a variety of reasons. First of all, my story is almost ancient history, secondly, I do not want to give anyone false hope for a reconcilliation - every story is unique. But you asked, and I offered, so here goes.

l. When did you realize your h. was going through "something."
Oh, silly me, like most - I realized it when he hit me with the "It's over" speech. Looking back, though, I can say there wee clues I just wasn't picking up on - I was way too busy with my own life.........

2. OW? OF COURSE!
Children? 30 - 27 - 18 His, not mine - but we were VERY CLOSE - one still lived with us (30 year old).

3. What precipitated the reconciliation? Is there a specific thing you said or did that made your h. move in your direction?
Who the heck knows???? Sorry for the flippancy, but my H was the poster child for flip/flop. Honestly, I think my "moving on" had the greatest effect on him.

4. Did your h. tell you he didn't love you?
Why, of course he did!

5. Were you separated or did you continue to live together?
We never separated. That was the most bizarre part of all this for us - we lived together, slept together, shopped together, vacationed together, all while he made his plans to "run away from home" and would go off to see OW several times a week (with my full knowledge). Vee, you really have to know my entire story to even begin to understand this one.

6. Did you get counseling?
I went to counseling, he never did.

7. Did you continue to talk and see each other during this time?
See answer to 5 above.

8. Did your h. say he wanted a D.?
Oh yeah, that came about 6 months into it. We finally had a date set to "file jointly." He woke up about a month before the target date.

9. Was your h. angry with everything you did or said?
Yes and no.............. This is where I differ a lot from many of the stories on the bb. He WOULD get angry with me, he didn't want to be around me, but he found a different outlet to blame all his problems on and that was his work. So I guess I was very lucky in that respect. Actually, as much as he totally disrespected me and made my life hell (I allowed it, though), he was very nice to me a lot of the time in his words, etc. I can't really explain it, but he would tell me what a wonderful person I was, pretty, smart, etc...

10. Had your h. talked about what he was experiencing during this time? Did he know something "not right" was going on with him? Did he ever realize this was his journey and had nothing to do with you?
My H talked about his feelings, etc. more during that short time than the rest of our marriage all together. He is pretty closed up again in some ways, which scares me to some extent.

He fully realized he was in a deep depression, but REFUSED any professional help - yes, knew it was his problem he had to work through. Almost to his demise.......meaning he decided that HE had to overcome the depression all on his own. I think he still believes his only problem was "depression" and "vulnerability" (OW). We do talk about it once in a while and I get a new piece here and there. Somewhere, down inside, I think he realizes ther was more to it, I'm just not sure he has it all figured out yet.

He ALWAYS said it had nothing to do with me (well except I "abandoned" him - go figure!)

Is that enough? Aren't you sorry you asked? Somewhere I have a short synopsis I put together for Barbie Doll a year or so ago, I'll try to find it and give you the link.