Growing up is hard to do

[angelica]

Good news - I have been praying for you and am so glad that things are moving forward.

Hugs, A

[peaceful_spirit]

Thank you all for your support.

Doggie still hanging on, though I just don't know when is the right time. I hate having to make this decision.

Things with H are still moving along. But like I said in my last post, still have roadblocks. In many cases, i am fighting a battle with myself. Then I end up taking that fight outward and taking it out on H.

Then I realize after the fact that doing that gets us nowhere, fast.

I still struggle with trust issues. H said last night that he knows I dno't trust him. I said that I am trusting him a little more every day. He asked me what I need. I said time and consistency. I also told hiim that he's not doing anything wrong. But I have bad days sometimes.

Now I'm rambing. I struggle some days. I get scared some days. H is home and we're a family again. Our R seems good. We are connected. Sex is good. Communication is good. We have fun together. But I am still scared. I wonder if that feeling will ever go away. What if he falls off teh wagon again? ANd now my kids are so used to him being home.

Some days are great. Some days are hard. Day by day.

[peaceful_spirit]

Last night, H and put our 11 1/2 year old Golden Retriever down. It was very hard and I am so sad. I am struggling with how sad I am and the void I am feeling in my life. I thought I was prepared, but I guess not.

I miss my girl -- and it's only been a few hours.

[Grace_O]

peaceful,

I am so sorry about your big girl. It's hard to lose such a friend. It speaks volumes about the kind of person you are that she didn't suffer.

I can only imagine the bad days even after they come home. You do the best you can and it sounds like he's putting the effort in. Remember that fear is the little death. Just be aware of it and don't let it become toxic for you.

Big HUGS for you. Have a good weekend.

[angelica]

PS - I am so sorry about your dog. It does hurt. But as you know, you get to remember the good times.

Hugs, A

[peaceful_spirit]

Grace and Angelica,
Thank you for your kind words. It's been very hard. And H and I are dealing with this very differently, which has been a bit of a strain on the R.

I am sad. I miss my doggie. But I am working through it. I am grieving. I am remembering.

We bought our tree yesterday and put it up. Today we'll do lights and decorations. Last year, I did it alone with my boys. I did the whole Christmas thing by myself. ANd it felt good (strangely enough). Of course, I'd rather H be here, like this year, but I am remembering how I dealt with this last year and I am proud of myself.

[Cinderellaman]

Dear PS,

I'm so sorry for your loss.......I too have a dog that we love very much, she's been through SO MUCH this past year, and it seems her paw won't recover...she may not be able to 'survive' for very long on 3 legs...being a great Dane...

I feel your pain, I'm really very very sorry...(((((((((HUGS)))))))))

[peaceful_spirit]

Cinders,
I'm sorry to hear that. My thought are with you. We do love our pets, don't we. They are part of the family.