Thought I would offer a perspective on how much to go dark. As I said, I am in a similar situation. I think we are constantly trying to convince ourselves of reasons to not go dark. Reality is, the way she is thinking right now showing effort may not be appropriate yet (too little too late). I would would try to 'delay mirror' her. If she comes forward, reciprocate a little later with something. Let her initiate a call and if it goes well, call her in a couple days and invite her to something. My gut would never tell myself to do that but I think that is the value of this board. Alot easier to give advice when you see from the outside.
