Don't expect to save your marriage. Don't expect her to believe you, or change her mind, no matter what you say or do. You have to work on your own strength and character for YOU. My guess is you may need to go through a lot more pain, separation and personal growth before you are ready to be back in your marriage (or any healthy relationship for that matter). OW is a dead end. Hopefully you will have the strength to avoid anything remotely like that again.
All you can be is a friend to your wife and give her the time and space to figure out where she wants to go in her life. You also need to let the affair go and let go of your guilt. You can't dwell there. Yeah, you did it, and afterward you felt like scum and now you never want to be there again.. But this is a new chapter in your life. You need to cut off the past like a gengrene limb and spend the future working on creating a better and more healthy you. Time to grow...
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
