And the beat goes on...

[tryingtoholdon]

I agree she is totally reacting. Jar couldn't you just go a few days without talking to her at all. I mean really it is crazy how many times a day she calls you and texts you. Then to keep on this rant about you being her friend. She sounds like a whacked out loony.

I think at this point I would detach big time. But how can you detach when she calls or text's you 20 times a day. I am telling you that would bug the crap out of me.

[Michael Mc C]

Is there anything important that she is calling and texting about? Can you ignore the calls a bit more? Ok, I know that's DB'ing 101 stuff, but maybe worth a shot again.

Can you give us a read on where YOU are at with your sitch? Are you still in this for the long haul, are you biding your time to see what happens?

[Hurtin4certain]

I agree with Trying... I think you should go dark for a few days. Perhaps that will scare the hell out of her that you are truly letting go.

It seems your W is trying to keep you within reach and it prevents her from truly seeing what life is like without you.
She is obviously in a comfort zone, thats why she is getting so angry with you. Remember, at the base of anger is pain.

She's hurtin Jar, keep it up.

[tryingtoholdon]

Right I firmly believe this that she doesn't know what life is really like without you Jar just like hurt said.

Because she still calls you 20 times a day and you answer. Or she texts you and you answer. She asks you to pick up things and run errands, etc. Also while she is doing this she is constantly throwing this affair into your face. Leaving pictures and flowers around, etc. I don't know as a woman I would be fearful to do this with my husband. Not that he has ever hurt me physically. But deep down I know he wouldn't tolerate it at all. So it would scare me.

[tryingtoholdon]

Also just wanted to say also that I think it is perfectly okay to tell her hey I mean that letter so please stop calling all the time. Only do so if it pertains to the kid's and is important. Then tell her that you will call the children but really don't want to talk to her when you call. That you need to start letting go.

I am just curious has there been times when you were stern with her? I remember you saying she stated that she was scared of you. Let me tell ya she is NOT acting as a woman who was scared.

[nutfarmer]

She probably told you she's "scared of you" to push your guilt buttons and manipulate you.

[theforlornhope]

In my best Jiminy Cricket:

When you wish upon a staaarrr.
Makes no difference who you aaarrre.
Anything your heart desires will cooome tooo yoouu.

Wait a minute, life isn't Disneyland. I wonder if she got the memo.

MAN that is PRICELESS. How freaking accurate, Disneyland.

She probably told you she's "scared of you" to push your guilt buttons and manipulate you.

Mine has done that twice. Once b4 and once after the final D bomb. Both times I shut up, got up, and left the room immediately. That's a trick bag. It takes next to nothing to get a restraining order, and it can really screw up your custody issues.

(I have trouble imagining an abusive person coming to this board.)

[Larrynarry]

So.. W sends me a text this morning "OM fixed the comp and printer!"

That's just cruel.. childish.

I'm in self preservation mode. She is still in the heavy fog. No way to work this out while she is still in the fog. Couple of things:

1. No way can I be a friend while she has a BF.
2. I don't respect her for what she is doing to the kids
3. I deserve better. I'm not a horrible person like she makes me out to be.
4. I'm moving on.. if she tells me they have broken up and she wants to work on us.. it will all depend on where I am.

She has a lot of growing up to do. I don't think she will do it. I think she's doomed to repeat this pattern as long as she is unhappy about herself. All she kept doing on the phone was validate herself "I'm not a bad person.. I'm a good mother.." blah blah blah.

It's the guilt talking.. she also said something to the effect of I don't want our daughters to think it's OK to go from man to man.

WTF? So you leave me and jump right into bed with someone else? That sounds like her mother talking.

I've probably pushed her away.. maybe it will intensify their R and it will crack. She will become very needy and I'm betting he won't like it. Not to mention whatever issues he has. I know he's not a prize pig.

Well.. I have a Xmas party tonight.. I'll get duded up and hit the town!! Tomorrow is D3's B-day party. Not sure what lies in store there, but it will be interesting I'm sure.

Happy Friday!!

[LL44]

1. No way can I be a friend while she has a BF.
2. I don't respect her for what she is doing to the kids
3. I deserve better. I'm not a horrible person like she makes me out to be.
4. I'm moving on.. if she tells me they have broken up and she wants to work on us.. it will all depend on where I am.

Are you in my head?? Especially #3!! I am tired of being told what a horrible person I am (also having H tell OW the same things).

I can't believe she texted that to you. You didn't respond, did you? She is unbelievable..I am sorry its in your face.

Her justifying herself (good mother, good person) is her just trying to 'sell' herself to you, to say "How can you be like this to me, when I am such a wonderful person?". Jar, you do deserve better. You deserve to distance yourself, even if its for the moment, or permanently. You'll know when you are completely done, and until then, jump ship, save yourself and go dark. HUGS

[nutfarmer]

You're right on target Jar. This is her roller coaster and you don't need to ride it. Better to stand to the side and watch.