You're not. If I'm wrong about the MLC, and she finds true happiness with someone else, I can accept that for me. I still have trouble swallowing it for my sons, but that is not my decision to make.
I guess part of what makes the whole thing tough for me is that I identify myself with the family unit. The family is greater than the sum of the parts. The good of the family is more important than what I want. I think that is what I can't understand about her thinking.
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They have these fantasies in their minds about how wonderful their lives would be if they could only dump their current spouse.
That's exactly what I meant when I said I suppose she thinks I'm just going to disappear after the D.
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the kids are simply collateral damage to the needs of the parent.
This is why I asked her to give me custody. I have no "real" grounds, but this is real to me, you, and most of us here. I'm their primary care-giver in the emotional sense, but she has developed a paranoia of what other people think. I believe she is terrified of what people would think of her if she gave up the kids. She almost lost it when her co-workers started asking her if she was having an affair with OM, accusing me of planting rumors. Pretty ironic considering the EA / OM happened at work.
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in most cases, the LBS has "moved on" and is no longer available, either emotionally or physically.
I don't know precisely how to think about this part. I know that I will be D in about 2 months. My focus now is on GAL for me, so I can be the man I was / want to be after that happens. For me, for my sons, for her if she comes back. I hope that this is something she wants, but I have no control over that. Done.
I intend to stand for my marriage. I hope that I can do this well, and for a long while. I worry about this sometimes, how long can I stand? How much can I take? What is right? I hope that by then I will be "hearing" better than before.
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Sorry for the long post but I really admire you for handling things so well.
No worries my friend, post as long as you like, I could use the help, and I'm trying to catch up to Jarhead.
I really appreciate your viewpoint, and thanks for the compliment. I usually overanalyze and think I'm NOT handling things well.
-------------- The Forlorn Hope:...A picked body of men detached to the front to begin the attack....Fortified, meaning strengthened to stand...and thus, positioned for victory
I usually overanalyze and think I'm NOT handling things well.