ugh...

I really want to say... something... yet at the same time, dont even know what to say.

coming up to a year and a half of separation. I've weathred uncountable lies from my wife, large and small.... 4 or 5 online boyfriends of hers... the usual double-standards of treating me in ways that she would never ever find acceptible if I did it to her...

yet... inexplicably... i still love her.
really not even sure why my feelings are this strong, at this point. quite perplexing.
( she still treats me nicely, some times. Most of the time, its fairly "at arms length", though)

Maybe because, even though she's seemingly moving on to Yet Another Online Boyfriend...(#7?) I doubt that anything long-term will come of it? (although i still have worries every time that "this time, she'll do something crazy" )

I dunno... from a rational standpoint.. it seems stupid. It seems even less likely, that she will give ME a chance...since she manages to line them up back to back. There's barely been a single week in the last 3 years, that she hasnt had "someone" waiting inline in the wings for her. Sometimes, she even overlaps them. It's kinda sick.

Maybe I'm hoping that the more she "cycles" like this, the more likely that, maybe THIS time, she'll wake up to her MLC, wonder "what the @@@@@@ am I doing ???", and look for something better with the 5 of us for the long term, than just cycles of short term gratification for the 1 of her.



In the dec winter vacation... we're supposed to go on another "family vacation". She seems to be willing to to go on it, yet she's still seemingly keeping me at a distance; stopping us from getting "too close". She's trying to keep it cut down to the same "only 2 nights" limit that we have done with previous times.
I was worried for a while, that she was going to cancel it altogether.
Heck, I still am to some degree. She hasnt agreed on specific dates yet. She COULD still pull her usual "say no indirectly, by stalling until it is too late" tactic. Pretty tiresome.

Would be nice, at the very least for our children, if she decided to ease up,and go for 3 nights this time. they deserve two full days of playing somewhere, at least.


Last edited by Dom R; 11/29/07 11:14 PM.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D.
Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M.
3 wonderful sons caught in the middle