Long and bumpy road

[Startingover2]

No he has his own house in town. That has been one of my chief worries is that he really has the best of both worlds. Part of the week he is here acting like a family man/husband and then when he gets tired of it he retreats back to his cave.

I imagine he is digging his heels in and not wanting to be shown up by me so I bet I won't hear from him for a day or two. Its so sad.....I am 6 months pregnant and he risks it all to stroke his ego.

[RedHeadWife]

How old are your other kids?

Well, he's going to have to learn the hard way. If you look at it from the outside looking in, he's been getting his way even though even the D became final. Maybe if you truly step up & show him what "real life" really is being divorced, etc., having to share custody, etc., he'll finally figure it out?

[RedHeadWife]

And I have to add that I know this is a lot easier said than done. Trust me, even though my M is back on track, I was the WORST DB'er out there!!!! We always know what we SHOULD do, but sometimes that is so very hard.

[Startingover2]

LOL...I am always brave in theory and I am so brave in the scenario conversations I have in my head with him before they actually happen. Then he gets so angry and turns things that I weaken and panic.

My other kids are 18, 16, 14 from my first marriage and dh has 2 girls from his first marriage that are 13 and 10. This baby was a oops (but such a blessing now) and will be our first together.

I really hate the thought of sharing custody of this little girl with him. She isn't due till March, but I am already starting to think of it. He will unfortunately have some rights.

[JAK58]

[/quote]LOL...I am always brave in theory and I am so brave in the scenario conversations I have in my head with him before they actually happen. Then he gets so angry and turns things that I weaken and panic.[quote]

Unfortunatly Your H knows this and he is playing it to the hilt.

Maybe he will have rights SO2 but will he take advantage of them.
Being the imature person he seems to be, not wanting to spend time alone with the children he has now, do you really see him taking the baby and taking care of her for the weekend or even a day? I don't. He trys to pawn his kids off on you and you say they get on his nerves, don't think you have to worry.

You need to stay dark. RED IS RIGHT and we have been trying to say you need to DETACH!!!!! Let him figure himself out. Right now he screams, yells, lies and you come running. STOP!!

Show him that you don't need HIS DRAMA (thats what it is not yours HIS).

Sorry i couldn't respond back to you yesterday when you needed so much help but, RED IS RIGHT please listen. I know it is dso hard but we feel it is what you need.

((((( so2)))))

JAK

[Startingover2]

I know you both are so right. I had to keep coming on here last night to get reassurance. I guess I am the classic codependent. Why do I feel so lost without this selfish, dysfunctional man? Thank you so much to you both.

I had a decent sleep. Not great. I secretly kept waiting for my goodnight text that never came. Like I said, he is probably digging his heels in. Then I started having the regret thoughts: what if he now goes running to OW because I rejected him? I wonder if he told her about our fight and she is doing backflips now.

Now I have to repeat this over and over because I am feeling so weak:

I will be fine. The baby will be fine. I have my home and my children. I have good friends and family. I don't need him financially or emotionally to do this. He is an alcoholic with anger issues. I don't want his anger anymore. Why would I want to be with someone that thinks so little of me that he wants other women on the side? That thinks so little of his family? Put a smile on your face today and go on with your life. Let him be alone. You will be ok.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

[Startingover2]

Having a bit of a down time right now. I have this fantasy that I really need to let go of. Sucking the life out of me.

[Startingover2]

Journal/vent:

I am doing this and enforcing this boundary for my protection as well as my children. Sticking with this the way things are is not healthy for anyone. I have to keep sticking with this....no backsliding.

I am feeling sad. Sad that ego, pride, and selfishness is more important to dh than his family. He would rather be right and strong in everyone's eyes than be happy and admit he has problems. Backing down is a sign of weakness and he has too much pride for that. Little does he know people probably don't respect him.

Friday night. Weekend coming. I am sure he will start drinking, feel vunerable and call OW for some stroking. She never confronts him about his drinking, his anger, his selfishness. I guess I am the one holding up the mirror.

Stay strong SO2. Please don't weaken. Stick to your boundaries and don't let him cross them again!

[Startingover2]

I just saw him in town. We drove right past eachother in traffic so we were going really slow. He looked at me and didn't wave or nothing like he is mad at me. Nice.

[blindsided1]

SO2, I read your posts. Thanks for posting on mine. Holy cow. I hope I can learn from you. It sounds like you have been doing this a while and I only have 1 month under my belt and I am already feeling used. I am 10 weeks pregnant. My H left me at 6 weeks. He was talking to someone at work that he had known only for a couple weeks, moved out and into her home with her 2 children after knowing her 3 weeks. She pays his rent (because most of his paycheck goes to me for bills) and even paid his tuition. At first, I was really sad that he left me for OW, but I feel now that he was unhappy and he found someone who he knew would let him move in and start taking care of him. He really can't take care of himself. I handled all the bills, everything. My counselor said that he's someone that needs someone to take care of him, but then ends up resenting it. That is exactly how he is with his Mom. I should have know, for pete's sake. He finds ways to see me, but the purpose is for sex. This morning it was very clear. He came to my house at 5:30am on his way to school and immediately wanted sex, I gave it to him. He hung around for about 10 minutes and then split. I haven't heard from him. It's really hard for me to not have sex with him. I love him, I miss him and somehow I think he is going want me more. But, if I think with my head, I know that is not true. He is definitely Cake eating. He gets to have a new toy (OW) and still keep the door open. My problem is, I have no balls! Sorry for the fowl language, but how else can I really put it? I have to figure out a way to get some strength. I would love it if we could be there for each other. Read my post and comment and I'll do the same for you. Where in Calif do you live? I'm in Southern Calif. How old are you and how long did you know you XH? Let me know.