a question of rings

[BryanS]

My W and I are piecing but still geographically separated due to work. 400ish miles apart so we have separate homes.

Early in the separation, my W took her wedding band off (never had an engagement ring because we eloped on a spur of the moment) and started wearing it on her right hand. I continued to wear mine. After doing the Retrovaille weekend we were able to talk about that, about her not wearing her ring. She maintains that she will not put it back on because there's too many bad feelings associated with it. I need to buy her an engagement ring and she will wear that.

I felt VERY foolish wearing my ring when she refused to wear hers (I got questions from my friends and family that I didn't want to talk about) so I stopped. 2 weeks ago, we talked about the rings again and she repeated her position that she would not put her band back on, that I had to get her a new engagement ring as a symbol of our restart. She also said it did not bother her that I was not wearing mine.

Last weekend, she reversed course and said it does bother her that I'm not wearing mine and that she thinks it's spiteful. I'm seeing her again this weekend and I need some advice.

I understand her wanting a new ring and am fully on board with making that happen. That's not an issue. What is an issue is that until I get the new ring, she's not wearing anything to show she's married. Oh and she just started a new job this week.

Am I being ridiculous? I understand her statements about the ring being associated with painful memories. However, it seems to me that if it's OK for her to go without hers, why is it not OK for me to go without mine? I do want to put mine back on but those feelings of foolishness are still there and will continue to be there until she wears hers again.

I guess what I keep coming back to is that either we're married or we're not. The legal separation is over so we're married. If we are, we should at least try to act like it and for me that means both of us wearing our rings to show that we belong to each other.