Plank removed from eye, too late for WAW? 8

[Heimlich]

Strange how self-perception can differ from the vibe one gives off. Just curious, but I've owned my responsibility for where we are a number of times. Yet, whenever I point out how I view my W and the fault I think she holds (and which I do not think she's owned up to) -- which I've taken pains to paint her in a not entirely negative light -- I get hammered for, from my point of view, being a male brute. I'm stating that badly, but how am I giving off that vibe? I've written any number of times that I don't blame my W for where we are, but neither is she blameless.

And OT is right, some of my behavior towards my W in the past, adn at times recently, has been immature and unattractive. I'm a work in progress. A diamond, but i need a few more cuts before going in the shop window.

but are you letting go. Are you really moving on? Just my insight but it does not seem that way.

I know I sound intense when I write here. And those feelings are what I feel. I do still love my wife. I do still want to be with her. I would still like to have a family and grow old and die together. To get there, there would be a lot of pain on both sides to overcome. It would be worth it.

At the same time, I'm living and making decisions based on what I want to do. Spending my time the way I want to. Not thinking about her daily. Open to the possibility of meeting someone else and moving on should I meet that person (whoever she may be). Figuring out what I want to do and who I want to be without worrying about what affect that would have on her or her opinion of me.

I know and acknowledge that those are two pretty contradictory thoughts. Still, there it is.

Thanks for the kind words, Pud.

Oh, and, regarding how I act towards my W. I'm generally pretty positive and upbeat when she picks up the girls, or I drop them off. However, if I'm tired or had a rough day, I don't mask that from her -- I'm just tired and braindead like we all get sometimes. She's known me long enough that I couldn't fake her out anyway. No anger. No resentment. No sadness. Just me; whoever the hell that is

Can't resist: but dammit, why can't she give us another go!

BD