I had the affair and now my marriage appears Over

[fooled again]

I am a newcomer and I read your thread with great interest since you are probably the only affair spouse who has his own thread.

My H and I have been married 10 years and have a 6 yr old daughter. We have been separated for over 6 months. My H had an affair that lasted over 1.5 years. For the first 6 mos I had no idea about it, and the rest of the time he was lying and telling me it was over, but secretly continuing to see the OW. I think I ended it because I contacted the OW and found out the truth, blew apart all the lies and hopefully made her go away.

I want to ask you to explain to me how you can want your wife back after everything you've been through with the OW? What is making you try so hard to get her back? What would you say or do (if she let you) to make her believe that you are sincere after all the lies you told and after everything you've done to her?

I'm asking you this because my H is now in the same place you are - he's telling me he wants me back, that he made a terrible mistake and he doesn't want to lose me. He says he never stopped loving me.

I was ready to end our marriage and now I just don't know what to believe, what to trust. I don't know if I'm willing to take that chance, to open myself up to being hurt again. The affair nearly drove me crazy, brought me to the darkest place I could ever imagine being and I am only now feeling like my feet may be on solid ground. How can I (and how can your wife) put myself in a situation that could bring me back to that level of pain and suffering, no matter how much I love my husband?

What would you say to her if you could?