This is kind of an aside, and entirely personal, but I think it's fascinating that so many LD or even ND women still have a need to be sexually desired.
I call it "I want you to think of me as sex-y; but I just don't want to have to have any actual sex with you."
Or, "I like to be chased, but I don't especially like being caught."
This is kind of an aside, and entirely personal, but I think it's fascinating that so many LD or even ND women still have a need to be sexually desired.
I call it "I want you to think of me as sex-y; but I just don't want to have to have any actual sex with you."
Or, "I like to be chased, but I don't especially like being caught."
It's really no different than people being happy when their stuff gets appraised high on Antiques Roadshow even though they have no intention of selling it.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
I think this thread is very interesting and that's an important question that I have asked myself several times during the past 4 years. I have learned the hardest way this year though it's not possible love without sex in a romantic relationship otherwise it's just friendship or a symptom that something is off.
I keep thinking about this question, and the reason I say it is a bullsh!t question, is not because the question was asked in the first place, but because it isn't an either/or answer.
Kind of like when someone asks me... "Is the glass half full or half empty?" The answer will depend upon how thirsty I am.
When you say, "If I was completely loved by a man, but sexual desire was absent... would that be an acceptable state of relational existence for me..."
It depends on the R. I find it completely acceptable if the man completely loving me without sexual desire was my father or a ... brother. Not only is it acceptable, it is appropriate.
If I was completely loved by a man, but sexual desire was absent, and that man were a friend of mine or the family, THAT would be acceptable.
To be sexually desired by a man who does not completely love me is acceptable if I am single and I have made the choice to have some lovely, romper room sex. No strings attached.
Or... let's say I'm in an arranged marriage... I'd rather have the sexual desire than the love. (Love can come/grow as time goes by).
To be completely loved by a man, with sexual desire absent, in a LTR, for ME, is unacceptable. It's an important distinction in the "two halves of a whole" thing.
So. That's why I thought this was a bullsh!t question.
I see your point and I wish I could have made things as black and white as you say.
It took me 4 years to realize it is unacceptable.
When you love a person and the R is wonderful except for some dirt you keep pushing under the rug it takes a while to accept the unacceptable. It's like putting things in a weight scale.
So, I see you are very logical, and using scientific logic the subject would be bs.
But from the point of view of someone who is the starved, I wouldn't dump my husband just because he has LSD and the impact in our marriage was none. I kind of don't buy the LSD story. I buy I had a bad S experience story, references, paradigms and now I have issues with S. Don't want to generalize but that's what I see in the forums here and also that's what happened to my H.
Ok - so NOP are you ever going to fill us in on what this question is all about?????
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
I think I come very close to meeting this crieria. I don't know how much desire he has but it isn't for me. I do know that he loves me, values me etc... It IS NOT acceptable but change within this marriage would require HIM to think it is uncceptable. He wins because (to me) divorce is more unnacceptable still. So, he gets to "love" me HIS way and my sexual needs don't see the light of day.
Could I find this absolute lack of desire more acceptable if there was a "reason" like having little to no testosterone for some medical reason? I guess but then what would be acceptable in a loving M would be to work around this issue to meet the other's needs.
