At the risk of exposing myself for what I truly must be, an insensitive lout, I will proceed with my original plan, which is to relate to the group my experience with SSM and my W.
As I related in my original post, we had been having difficulties which I identified as being very similar, if not identical, to many of those that are described in SSM chapter 1. The other night I told her that I thought it would be a good idea to read it, in the midst of another tense "discussion" about why our relationship seems to be stuck in neutral (at best). The topic that night had to do with my increasing sense that something was amiss in our marriage in the area of "intimacy".
Well, the very next morning (this would be Thursday, yesterday), we ended up being intimate after the kids had gone off to school (I work at home). It was a delight to me, though I had the definite sense she was more or less going through the motions to please me (which brings up an entirely different topic we shall have to tackle at another time).
Anyway, in an amazingly ill-timed moment of what John Gray ("Men Are From Mars...") calls "Mr. Fixit", I chose later that morning to leave chapter 1 for her. I DID include a note that "...this morning was wonderful, hope you thought so too" and that I hoped she would accept the chapter in the spirit in which it was intended...that is, to help us get to where we need to be in our marriage...but I now realize, with the benefit of 20/20 hindsight, that my timing was atrocious.
Be that as it may, her note to me that night was brutally honest: "I can't begin to tell you how hurt, bruised, and insulted I felt...when I found your note and computerized text. Any happy glow I felt quickly vanished as I was greeted by the SSM article. For God's sake, why not go out, pick a couple of camelia blossoms and leave a simple note that just says 'I love you' [my note: why not indeed???!]. Noooooo -- let's YET AGAIN reveal to me how INADEQUATE I am, how frustrated YOU are. I just can't win, can I. I tried to understand your view and come to you this morning only to be slapped in the face. Thanks for nothing!!"
Pretty awful, eh? Needless to say, I feel like a complete putz. She's absolutely right about the camelias. I just didn't know when the opportunity would arise again to present her with the chapter.
