interesting evening last night. i have been asking the Lord for a sign concerning our situation. last night i received it. i have no idea what the outcome will be, but i caught a glimpse. my daughter wanted to go to the movies for a middle school benefit. she had told her mother about it the previous night, but i never heard about it until last night. my w was weighing in at weight watchers meeting 20 miles away. daughter called her to remind her, but she had not thought daughter was serious. so i took her to the movie theatre and meet w there. we dropped her off, w suggested we get some dinner. i said ok. while sitting at dinner, w told me when she was on her latest trip to bay area to see aging grandmother, she had lunch with her aunt. her aunt told her she had not looked this good since she was in 8th grade. my wife looked at me with sad eyes and said yea she looks good on outside, but is torn up inside herself. i know not a big deal. but it is the first time in 9weeks she has verbally said how unhappy she really is. i caught a glimpse, a sliver, of her inner being. i honestly wanted to just hold her.i know this is just a glimpse. but it was something. i cried and prayed and thanked God later that night.
different subject, i was given a book to read, Captivating, by john and stasi eldridge. it is for women, and every women should read it. but as a man, i believe every man should read it also. it is a glimpse into a womens heart and soul, it is very humbling. i will give my w a copy for christmas. i hope everyone will have a great day.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
Wow. I really do see that as a great thing. You obviously have been doing some good db'ing in my view because this is also one of the first signs that I noticed from my H too! Without me having to say a thing, he admitted he was unhappy with himself and look where we are now! I'm so happy for you I could just burst. Small positive for you, but for us db'ers we can shout from the forum rooftops!
Keep on recognizing these small things and it will keep you going through the difficult times. Keep being cautious and practicing good DB. Proceed slowly. Sounds like you have a hook into her...just keep it slow.
That sounds like a great book, I shall have to pick up a copy.
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
thaks pud, i appreciate you looking me up. i have to keep everything in perspective. it is only a small , small admission on my w's part. i also agreed with what her aunt said, that she was beautiful, always had been, even with out the weight loss. probably should not have said that, but o'well.i have been good for 6 weeks straight, i am allowed a small slip up now and then.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
I think this is great too Craig. She's opening up her feelings to you--real feelings not just the typical WAW venom. It will take lots of small steps to get there, see and appreciate each one.
Me: 43 W: 41 Together 2009, Married 2011 Sons 10 and 6, Daughter 5 Bomb 2/21/21. W moved out 10/2021
forgot to journal, went to ic yesterday afternoon. always interesting to talk to ic. she knows i am seriously db'ing and in for the long haul. she always tells me to make sure i take care of me. i also mentioned to her that my wife is going through and identity crisis more than a waw .she agreed, because of the complete body change with the massive weight loss.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
I would agree with the identity thing, women who have lost lots of weight often still see the fat lady in the mirror and have a difficult time when positive comments are thrown their way all the time about how good they look. This is probably very difficult for her to deal with. Are there any good books out there on this subject? I'm sure there are.
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
i do not know about any books. but if anyone knows of any please let me know. the insight would be helpful.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
attention all db'ers, craig54 failed the dr playlist last night. just a little bit. story line- i went to a play(the producers) at the local college theatre. great show, players from all over the country , traveling show. wife took 17 year old son to see "into the wild", movie. i got home at 11.30pm. son had just got home in his truck a few minutes earlier. w was not home. w got home at 12:15am. of course i was still awake, and was worried about her. she came into my bedroom and got her pj's , asked if i liked the show. and went to her room.my frustration got the better of me and i got up and went and asked her where she had been. ughhhhhh, because i was worried about her. she said, i did not think you cared, you normally say" do what you want to do, have a good time.double ughhhhh. i then asked her where she had been. she said she dropped by girlfriends house to talk to her about something private. her friend just got back from a business trip to sacramento.i told i do care. i was just worried. so based on my w's statement, i am showing her i dont care, over db'ing. i have read many posts where posters did the same thing and were left scratching there heads. any comments would be helpful.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
well craig, in my experience they see that you are happy and moving along without them so they see it falsely as you not caring. That is their perception because of the faulty view they have at the moment. They think they don't care about you, and now you don't care about them. YOU know this is not true, so I think actually saying that you do care was good, but maybe should leave out the where have you been demands. Just say, I do care and leave it at that. So all in all I don't think you did as bad as you thought. It was only a minor slip, but I still think you kept it together. The last time my H spent all NIGHT out and came home the next morning, he came to find me where I was in the laundry room folding, and he stood there looking at me as if he expected a total vengeful attack, I simply hugged him and said "I'm glad you are home safe". That was all I said and went back to folding laundry. I do believe this shocked the heck out of him. I didn't cry or anything but that just let him know I still cared without pressuring him to know what he was doing. I didn't need to know, he thought he had his life in place at the time and was going to do what he was going to do, with or without me. I couldn't control that.
But I was shaking like a leaf after that, took all I had to remain calm and positive.
Keep being strong craig, I know you can do this.
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
