But to answer your question as far as the source of my core values regarding marriage--I only have half guesses based on seeing my friends' "normal" parents growing up. I don't know- does that answer the question?
aha... yeah, that answers it well.
Quote:
In the very beginning when he first moved out I told him that once he went out that door getting back in would be much harder. Initially I did try to get him to take me on dates/court me but then I let my guard down. When he would start to miss me, I should have kept him at bay longer instead of letting him back in and comforting him.
yup. I heard from an MC, that the #1 reason that recoveries after separation fail, is when the leaver is allowed back "too soon"... before a good agreement is made between both parties, of how the marriage is going to look like.
So then, with no understanding of how things are "supposed to be".... it ends up in chaos, and unhappiness, and it fails. Which then makes it even harder to attempt reconciliation again, because "well, we tried that and it failed".
To look at it another way:
"a failure to plan, is a plan for failure" :-/
I think that neither of you know "what you want".
How can you get to some place better, when you dont even know in what direction that place is?
I think that your husband has even less of an idea of what a good marriage looks like, than you do.
if both of you could agree on some definition of "what a good marriage looks like", then I think it would put his uncertainty fears to rest, and it would then also help you know what you should do next.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
