NikkiB #22 (almost separated)

[forever21]

Hey Nikki!

You sound good. Sounds like you are really enjoying your GALing too. Good work on that!

Thanks for your thoughts for me yesterday. It was a little rough there for a bit but I turned it around. It's to be expected that this not be an easy time, but I'm very happy with how my day ended. It all works out.

I absolutely think you deserve to have what you want. Do you?

How we "ask" for that depends. DBing is doing what works. As Michele points out, it's important to choose the medium for your message. Look at what has worked for you with your H up to this point.

OT's annoying coworker at the water cooler is a great reminder of how your H might view any R talk that you initiate verbally. The suggestions OT gives you of what to do are super good, as usual. I see them as asking for (communicating) what you want through action. It will likely give you the opportunity to verbalize to H some of what you want if/when he asks you what's going on. I sure seems like actions have been working for you... I think you just need to continue taking more of them.

You both make very good points about the precedent I'm setting. I'm not so sure about him being motivated to make any changes right now or me having a power position (more power in my OWN life but not so sure about my R/M).

I'm really glad you see you're setting a precedent for what is good enough for you. I'm getting the impression that it is you, not your H, that isn't motivated to make more changes right now. I know it's so easy to get complacent when the WAS isn't currently providing that motivation. You're likely in a comfort zone now. That can be very dangerous when that comfort zone is not what you truly want. What has that given you in the past?

Provide your own motivation, Nik. Know what you want, and believe that you deserve it. If you want to create some leverage for yourself you might list for yourself your answers to each of these questions... What will happen if you don't change what you're doing right now? What could happen if you do?

I think your R/M is part of your "OWN" life. You don't have to make an exception for that area. You deserve to feel empowered all the way around.

Celebrate your strength. You have clearly become stronger through your own hard work. I know you can continue with your growth here. Don't settle!

Love, f21