I Was Almost A Walk-Away Wife (next thread)

[Dom R]

Well, here's where cemar and I differ.

I think that "wanting to (sexually) take care of your spouse" is more important than "feeling horney".

Some men are so insecure, they "want someone to sexually desire them", and it doesnt matter how the woman feels about the man as a person.

in some ways, just "being horney", can almost be negative. If you are just "horney", but dont care about his sexual needs... then you are just basically using him. I dont see how many men would see that as a positive feeling from you. it may be "fun", but... it's not fulfilling in the emotional sense.

For the saner, more centered man, it is more important that the woman "wants to be with him sexually".
That is *not* the same as "being turned on".



Sandi, I recognize that you actually want NEITHER at this point :-/

However, at some point, there may come a time when you "want to take care of your husband", even if you are not sexually turned on yourself.

If you choose to show him, "I want to take care [of your needs]", then that will make him happy.

To counterpoint what cemar was saying;
I actually agree with him, that "giving your H sex", is NOT a positive thing. In the sense of, "ok, you want sex, so I shall make a 'sacrifice', and GIVE you sex. oh, i'm suffering, but I shall do this terrible thing for you...." No. Bad bad bad.
It makes him feel like a burden. it makes him feel bad. it makes him not loved. [because doing positive things, for someone you love, shouldnt feel like a "sacrifice"]


In contrast, "I am going to be sexually intimate with you, because seeing you sexually happy makes ME happy... i WANT to see you sexually happy!" is all positive.
That is "a desire for him". It's a little more complicated than a "I want your bod" desire... but it IS "desire for him". It would make him happy.