Hi RJ-

Better today. I'm really getting into the slacker lifestyle. \:\) I got myself a mandala coloring book and a set of 50 crayola markers, and I've been coloring. The meds make me sleepy, which is lovely...

BF is much better with both his mom and me here at the same place. Much more temper control. I think because it's actually possible to manage when we're both together.

I'm observing his planning and thinking processes and they are out of whack... I guess part of it is the stress. But some of it is just the way he looks at the world. He seems unable to sort out important-unimportant, urgent-not urgent. Everything is a top priority and he doesn't know how to move things to the back burner (unless it's me, of course).

Today he has to go out to the bar to sign checks-- that's about 35 miles north of where I'm currently sitting. And then he has to go to my house to feed kitties and get my mail. That's about 40 miles south of where I'm currently sitting. He has choir practice in 45 minutes (concert is tomorrow night-- I won't get to sing \:\( ). I have a beautician friend coming to the apt tomorrow to give me and mom pedicures. And then I hear him in the doorway negotiating with one of the maintenance staff here to come in and paint the apartment tomorrow! Huh?! How can we have painters in here tomorrow? IMHO the apt doesn't need painting anyway.

I said, "I'm going to give you my unsolicited opinion."

He said, "Are ya, now?" in a fake Irish accent.

I said, "This is not a good time to get the apartment painted. A better time is when your mom is out of here for 24 hours getting chemotherapy."

He said, "Yeah, I'm gonna get back with that guy this afternoon and straighten this out."

But the guy just left 10 minutes ago and the last order was come in and paint tomorrow. BF will not see it as a priority to call the man and cancel. He'll forget or just won't do it. It's not my problem, and I'm not going to try to fix it; it's just maddening to sit here and watch this screwy thinking in action.

One thing he does that really messes him up is he answers the phone every time. He should let more calls go to voice mail and just listen to the message. That would take seconds, as compared with many long minutes of conversation. He can be talking to me about something fairly important, and when the phone rings, he will answer it and go into a long conversation.

These aren't really complaints, just observations of his quirkiness. He doesn't seem to give himself permission to keep his boundaries in place. Hmmmm... that's interesting. He feels that when someone calls, he must answer, if his mom asks for something, he must do it immediately... I guess that's part of the reason why every request of mine feels like a demand-- because of what I said above: he can't sort out the important stuff from the other stuff. Even when I say that a request of mine is not particularly important (like "bring my red earrings, but if you can't find them, that's okay"), he still insists on treating it as if it's a very serious thing and a huge failure if he doesn't bring the red earrings).

He was lamenting the other day that he doesn't have any time to himself. It's true, he doesn't. But no one (except me) is going to give him that time or insist that he take that time. He will have to take it for himself-- and that will mean saying no to some people, NOT answering the phone sometimes, backing out of tasks he thought he could do but finds he can't. He wants to do everything (very 7-ish) and he's spread way too thin.

But apart from that, it's really very pleasant being here. Much more pleasant that being at home by myself. The apartment is quiet. I have a nice view from the sofa out the sliding patio doors we're on the second floor). Down in the grass are, inexplicably, two hens and a rooster. They go pecking around making cute little chicken noises. There's a hawk that flies over and then they run under the bushes up against the building. Simple entertainment.

Weird merry-go-round... I think I need a nap.


Now it's 11:45. Choir is at 12:15, and instead of getting dressed (he's still in his jammies), he's out on the balcony smoking a ciggie. He can't miss practice today because he has a solo. The choir is doing an Ave Maria by Biebl that Chanticleer does... it's absolutely beautiful, and he has the opening lines... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dVBsNUXg_YM&feature=related