OT What would happen if you just made an appointment with a sex therapist and took her?
History of therapist: The first therapist, I went by myself for about 6 months. Her specialty was Child and Family, just licensed, and was part of a company assistance program. I was recovering from my second major back injury and wasn't working. She helped me some.
Therapist was very experienced but un-known to me, she was a "Woman's Issues Specialist." This time it was part of BB employee assistance package.
The message here was I needed to let BB live her life as she saw fit. Co-dependency was the in thing at the time and where BB worked (mental health facility) they had a 28-day Co-dependency program. BB was the med nurse there. So much for men being viewed as leaders, not likely. More that men were controlling and women would be better off doing for them self and as they wished.
During the sessions, it was obvious I had to start thinking about BB and I being more of separate people and not so much as a couple.
During our first few sessions, I sat next to BB. By session 4 or 5 I sat in my own chair.
At the same time I was in a "Woman's Issues Class" in college trying to understand some of the male/female role changes.
The class was "more bad men" women were getting a raw deal (some were) and surprisingly how a few women manipulated men by using their sexuality. Some of that topic even labeled men stupid for thinking with their di*k! Or the guy likes the gal because he is hungry or horney.
Several years went by and I started going by myself for various issues but all sessions had a component that dealt with my R with BB. The other main problems I was having was age and disability issues related to my improving back conditions and working in a new field of employment. I graduated from college in the top 5% but only got considered for some really low paying jobs.
Our most recent MC was church based. BB didn’t think much of the other C’s we saw but she did mike the last one.
One appointment he set us up with sort of over lapped something else she wanted to do. She wanted to cancel, I didn’t, we did. After canceling I saw how she was not being serious enough for me so decided to do some more C on my own.
Your main question, why not make an appt with a sex therapist?
I looked for one and found some sex therapists but they also do lots of other things, so I am wondering how effective they are.
I asked around but no one has used one or recommended one.
BB worked in the mental health field for 15 years and has a very low opinion of therapy in general. For BB meds work, if it is the right med, but therapy is like talking yourself out of fearing the 800# gorilla sitting right next to you.
BB’s position is she is too old to like sex that much. She would if she was 25, had natural hormones, didn’t have aches and some stiffness, had a fair amount of disposable income and lots of free time, and lived in a nice home/neighborhood.
To that I said, “So it is true, a woman needs three husbands. One to have recreational time with, one to earn a good living, and a third to cook and keep house.”
OT, I still am considering the ST, still asking if anyone found one that solved problems. I have enough information about what kills sex drive and some information for solutions.
