I am having trouble eating. I am now too skinny. Great. The only other time I have ever been this tiny...was separation number two. I need to gain some weight, the healthy way, but I'm having so much anxiety I can't eat. Forcing myself to work out seems to help equal out the crazy emotions. But, I still need to eat more.
xh and I had another long, extended, lousy R talk earlier. The talks make us both feel like crap, but we agree that they are productive. I'm too emotionally tired to recall what all was said.
So. This evening, when he stopped by to see the kid, I have not initiated any physical contact, per his request. xh, however, has given me at least a dozen hugs. He also gave me a bit of a back rub, realigned my back, and included some sexual innuendo in the conversation. (After asking me not to try anything.) He then proceeded to invite me to his company Christmas party, and also to hiking on Saturday. (Doubt I'll go hiking. Not sure about the party.)
He seemed surprised that I'm "still" upset over JD. Duh. I just told him, again, that that is simply how I feel.
Oh, he just called me again, after he left. Wanted to know if he could pick me up something to eat. Sheesh.
He came back later to see the baby before bedtime. More hugs, and even a couple of kisses. None initiated by me.
He told me last night, that sometimes DS looks for me at his apartment, and that breaks his heart.
We talked even more this morning.
I feel like complete and utter crap. My self-esteem is trashed, and I really, really need to stop asking him questions about JD, because I'm just making myself miserable. I miss being detached.
But mostly, I need to eat.
He did ask me to quit yelling at him. xh said he wants to talk to me about a lot of stuff now, but not while I'm interjecting snippy insults.
