Why can't I do this....

[houndfan]

Well..... MC appointment over and I feel like crap!

In a nutshell the MC asked us both what we wanted to gain from the experience and I said that I want to try to R and she said that she will not work on the marriage and that she is going to improve our communication for the boys.

MC reccommeded that we read a book "7 Rules for the Successful Marriage" and that we work on the friendship (sounds like DB right?). Well W asked why she should read a book like that etc if she had no interest in making the marriage work. The MC said that it will be beneficial in helping her decide if she wants to make it work and if not it will help build the communication. MC also asked my wife to take some time to consider all of the aspects of a D and how it will impact our lives. Take as much time as she needs to figure it out etc.

Dom's going to jump all over this but I really felt trapped again in this session. MC asked why this time is different with my Marriage and I explained how I felt. W explained that I always change for a little which after counseling and that there is no way I will keep this up. MC asked how long I will have to work to make her believe in me to which W responded years, like 10.

Anyway, what set this aside was this feeling that I am a doormat. MC suggested that I am the one who decides how much involvement will be had between the two of us and that I need to set boundries.

I tried to stand up for myself after the session and explain to W that I wasn't sure that I wanted to play family again this weekend at the Disney event because of my current confusion. To which she got very angry and said that nothing is changing. After I left the session I had yet another breakdown.

I need to get backon track with my DB'ing if I hope to save this marriage. We are not D'd yet, and even though she says it every chance she gets, I have seen some softening in her heart. I am the dumba** that continues to take us down the right path.

I have decided that I will move back into the house this weekend and she what that brings, I will move into S4 room and play it by ear on this one. One day at a time.... I hope that I am strong enough for all of this because today I feel so vulnerable.