Long and bumpy road

[JAK58]

[/quote]I actually had a good evening last night even with OW being there. I can't stand her but I finally looked at her with pity. She knows she is in the wrong and I know I am doing the right thing. And if it ends up the dh can't step up and walks away and even ends up with her I know I have done the right thing.

please keep this in mind everyday!!!!

She did bring up a good point with it...the reason this is happenening is dh's fault. Because of his cake eating, he has 2 or more frustrated women. Me and stalker. He has a foot in each pond but never fully jumping in to either. Stalker gets frustrated and makes threats. Dh is obviously giving off signals and vibes that he is still an unattached man to the world. If he ever chooses to stop giving off those signals, the threats to me would stop.[quote]

Your GF sounds like a very smart women.

You need to detach from him. Take positives as just that. Do not expect things to all of the sudden change, especially when right now you have been enabling him. He has just what he wants his freedom to come and go as he wishes and with whom he wishes and you are both letting him get away with it.

Pity OW because she knows she doesn't have him any more than you do (even less actually), that is why the texts from her she is scared she will lose him.

Speaking of texts STOP talking to him about it, you look needy and wanting attention for it in his eyes and yes it will push him away.

Let your GF help you to get a life for you and the kids. At least fake it till you make it.

Do not call or text him all the time. IT IS PURSUING.

Don't mean to give you a 2x4 but i think you need it

JAK

[Startingover2]

I need a big something I think!!

I have been doing ok the past few days. I never text him and I get the 'hope you have a good day' text. Just got one actually. I have made a list of the things I want to say to him someday when this all comes to a head at the right time. One thing I did think about was even if he promised no more contact with OW or anyone else....how do I ever believe him? I want to say prove it, but how? Ask for his phone records? My only way of knowing was cut off, so now I either go on his word (which is worthless) or not.

Jak, and anyone else....keep talking to me. I know its a pain in the a**, but I really need the support to keep going.

[JAK58]

It isn't a pain in the A$$, that is what we are here for.
We try to help each other I can't say if we give advise that we would always be right, and everyone has a different OP but we can tell you what won't work. We have BTDT and through reading DR have learned a lot.

[Startingover2]

Jak....
Dh doesnt have a clue right now why I am going dark. I am assuming he is wondering. Should I tell him I want to talk to him or just wait for him to ask?

[Startingover2]

Ok....help.

He is texting and calling over and over wanting to know what is wrong. I haven't picked up or responded, but I need to do something soon!!!!

[Startingover2]

I finally gave in and said I was tired of the lies and need to remove myself from the bs. Told him that I saw text messages between him and OW and how he erases them when I walk in. He went on to tell me how I have no idea what I am talking about and how HE is sick of the drama and he doesn't need it in his life. I said if this is how he wants to live his life then whatever. Just stay away, baby and I will be fine.

He sent this back in all caps!!

I GOT NEWS FOR YOU, BABY IS MINE TOO SO DON'T EVER TELL ME TO STAY AWAY.

[Startingover2]

need some advice here. I am getting that sick panic feeling. Please Jak, anyone.......

[RedHeadWife]

ok, sweetie, you need to calm down. Yes, you are having that sick, panicky feeling b/c you have a baby! and your H is acting like a dumba$$, however comma you need to get to that *happy* place called detach, detach, detach!!! Yes, easier said than done, but you need to somehow get to the point where you KNOW you will be ok w/ or w/o him.

If he is still talking to or whatever w/ OW, you don't need that.

I know it's easier said than done, but until you start living life for YOU and the kids, you are going to be living & doing everything to get H back. I know it's not easy not to dwell on the sitch constantly, but you need to figure out how you can get beyond that.

[Startingover2]

Thank you RedHead Wife...Like the name BTW.

He is still talking to her. I know that. He keeps denying it. I am so strong in what I want to say or do and when I do it, he responds in anger and tells me how its going to be, threatens etc. and I get nervous.

I just don't get it. Why not just fess up? Why get angry with me?

[RedHeadWife]

Probably b/c he wants it both ways. Or maybe he's angry w/ himself b/c he knows what he is doing is wrong. Who knows, but for now I would just let it go. He's not actually living w/ you right now, right? I would just detach as much as possible and *help* him to realize that he needs to figure out what he wants. Don't buy into the drama of the whole sitch. Take care of you & the kids and try to get on w/ life as best you can and see how he reacts to that. See what he thinks about you just getting on w/ things w/o him. If he wants to act like a 16 year old kid, let him, but just YOU act like the adult.