Don't know if it is a good idea or not but do you think you might refer the OWH to this site? I may be giving up YOUR safe place so I am not sure if it would be good or not. Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
lwb, do I remember correctly that your H is not OW's first A? Your H is messed up, but she really has problems. How utterly selfish to destroy two families with children. Do they really think they will find happiness? It doesn't matter how much I see this stuff. I still don't get how all these people justify doing this junk. I'm sorry, I am just ticked off right now.
Your girls are so lucky that you are so strong. I know they will be ok because you won't allow anything else. Your H obviously has no idea what he is so close to losing. I hope he wakes up soon, before it is too late.
Me29 H33 D9 months S2 S9(previous R) Sep 8-19-07 I file 11-5-07 H home (Retro) 2-15-08 "Today is the tomorrow of yesterday." -- S9
Damn, I'm not sure I can handle one. This poor guy. Good job again LWB.
MCC, I have learned the I can never say what I would do if something happened until it happened but....... I think the second time would be easyier to show her where the door is.
I may be wrong, ask my wife she is alway right Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Hey LWB, The similarities in our situations never cease to amaze me. A couple of months ago the OG's W called our house and I spoke to her. At the time I thought that she was crazy. She mentioned a bunch of things that I didn't want to believe at the time, but after a while much of what she had said really seemed to fit into place.
Two weeks ago she called again. We talked for a long time and realized that we both experienced things getting better for a couple of weeks and then heading south in the same timeframes. We both filled in a lot of gaps and were able to make sense of some of the spouse's recent actions. I spoke to her again the next night for a few hours. From our conversations, she seems to be a truly dedicated wife and mother just trying to hold her marriage together. Being in the same position, I really respect what she is trying to do and understand the emotions she is going through. My W has told me that she is crazy, controlling, manipulative and abusive. Hmm... wonder where that comes from? I didn't get the impression that she was any of those and there is nothing that she has told me up to this point that I can identify as being a lie or untrue. There are certainly some things that she has speculated, but we all have our suspicions and crazy, runaway imaginations don't we?
Prior to speaking to her, I would have said absolutely don't call. It could only make things worse. For me personally though, I have found that it was very helpful and enlightening. It even set in motion the current break in the A that I'm hoping will last this time.
The support I get from the people on this board is tremendous, as we are all going through similar situations. I felt that the discussions with the OG's W were just as valuable and even more insightful because we are going through the same situation. The OP's S can become a valuable ally because you are both fighting for the same cause.
Wow.. 2nd A!! That would be a "deal breaker" for me. I know never say never, but that would be one of the stipulations of a reconciliation. No way I could do this again. I would have nothing left.
I was wondering about showing him this site as well, but that would be weird. You'd get 2 angles of a sad story.. probably would drive you crazy seeing his side of things as well.
MCC, I have learned the I can never say what I would do if something happened until it happened but....... I think the second time would be easyier to show her where the door is.
Husband- You're right, no one can say what they'd do unless they're in that situation. This is my H's 2nd A. I told myself the first time that I wouldn't go through it again. Here I am. This time with a child to worry about too. Part of me feels like a fool for wanting to try, but then part of me knows that the A is all about his insecurities and not about me. I didn't MAKE him do this. I'd give him an ultimatum, but as odd as it sounds, given the circumstances and it being a 2nd A, I'm still not ready for the possibility that he'll say.....Fine, I'm gone. There were too many good times between the last time & this time, for me to let go yet. If it had all been bad times, it would be easier.
SueS
Last edited by SueS; 11/29/0702:01 PM.
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
I felt that the discussions with the OG's W were just as valuable and even more insightful because we are going through the same situation
I couldn't have said it better myself. And OW's H said the same thing yesterday. We both want our marriages to work, both realize that they told lies about us that aren't true (kind of like your W talking smack about OM's W). She defends my H to her H with things like "You have no idea what he has been through, she is horrible...". I suppose they have to tell lies to be together. No one would say "My marriage is great, let's have an affair.". OW's H said something yesterday "I know our marriage wasn't perfect before this A, but its definately worse now, and will get even worse with a divorce". The adulterers don't see this though.
I will not tell OW's H about 2 things: me talking to a lawyer and about DB. This is my spot. If he finds it on his own, great. But even though he has been nothing but loyal and honest with me, I know that he has his own interests at heart first and foremost. Can't blame him for that.
In some situations, talking to the OP's spouse wouldn't be a good idea, but in mine, it worked perfectly.
Thanks everyone for your support. I am very angry at H this morning for some things, and coming on here has calmed me down.
