WAW says "I'm filing for D", but no papers

[SirPrizeMe]

No, there is not a long waiting period where I live. Where we used to live there is a long waiting period. Fate conspires against me. It's so horrible to look at then, and now.

How did all this happen!??!!?!? How did I GET HERE??!?!?

She throws a bomb into our lives with the affair, destroys my relationship with my best friend, walks away from our marriage, pushes me out of my house, rips away my children, all while I am far away from my hometown, and then she demonizes me for being upset. What planet is she from?

You're so right that I cannot push open the door to her heart. I can see that. But I despair. I. Miss. My. Old. Life.

Get a life? I don't want to get a new life. I had a life I liked. I want my own kids back.

I know it's gone. It's gone. I know it, and yet I haven't accepted that.

I'm a mess.

Sometimes I wish she would just disappear. It would have been better if she had abandoned all of us, run off with that sonuvab*tch.

"miracles can happen"
You know I considered talking to a DB coach, but sometimes I think this whole save-your-marriage approach seems to be what is standing between me and acceptance. All my efforts - clinging, longing, desiring my family, all not DBing - all these efforts have made it worse. I should have held the door open for her when she dropped the bomb. If only. If only I had been strong enough then. Could have saved a lot of time and pain.

And still I'm weak.