Walkin' Towards The Blessing!

[FaithfulH]

Hello, dear friends! I miss you guys but you are never out of my prayers!

I wanted to encourage anybody who is in pain and despair that our prayers ARE answered...in God's perfect timing!

It has been a couple of months since I posted last....and I just read my last post and was amazed at how positive it sounded. What is even more miraculous?....Things continue to get better and better. I cannot describe with words the intense love I feel for my W and the tender love she returns to me. I'll share a couple of contrasts to illustrate the miracles that are occuring daily in my household. First, look at my post from Thanksgiving week one year ago:

As I listened to [the song "Alone Again Naturally"] and thought about my 3 months of DB'ing, I felt my strength wavering. Is the weaker position that of continuing to DB and the stronger position to stop what I have been doing? I think not except perhaps in a selfish, short-term sense. But I also have found that my continuous "detaching" along with my WAW's distant attitude has put me in a position where I cannot even remember the warmth of her touch, a smile thrown my way, or the "feeling" of knowing she loves me! I then pondered the age-old saying:

(author unknown)

If You Love Something Set It Free
If It Comes Back, It Was And Always Will Be Yours.

If It Never Returns,
It Was Never Yours To Begin With.

I am beginning to wonder if "it was ever mine to begin with". Although we have been married for over 26 years...and this MLC fog has only been going on for a few months (12 or more on the long side)....I am struggling with holding on to my love for my WAW. I know that I must not fall prey to the notion that we cannot go on without the feelings. I also know that God is true to His word and he will turn this situation into good if I remain Faithful. I just wanted to share my honest weakness that I am feeling.

That same Thanksgiving weekend my wife asked me to leave the house so she could entertain friends whom I had never met. I did.

This year?:

• We had over 20 people at our house for Thanksgiving dinner. 10 of them stayed with us for the entire week!
• My W made an awesome Baked Turkey...I smoked a turkey...and my teenage boys FRIED one. WOW!
• For Christmas, my W wants us to take a family trip to Chicago. We haven't had a family vacation in over 5 years.
• My W wants us to take 2 trips alone to Florida this winter
• We have had DOZENS of unbelievably romantic dinners and trips over these past 6 months

I write all of this with 2 simple objectives:

1) To say thanks to those of you who supported me in my weakest moments...AmyC, Ashmo, P4AM, OHAZ, FaithIsBelieving, 4Kids, CinderellaMan,myC, 4_Kids, CinderellaMan, I_Wanna_Make_It_Work, Frank_D, 25yearsmlc, steelersfan, Poohbear, Lissett, Jeanette1120, MrsH, Oldtimer...and others
2) To encourage particularly those who have just NOW found their way to this site.

I wish I could promise you that your restoration will come quickly. As you can tell by a scan of this site, the time ranges vary significantly. I have had the pleasure of meeting 2 men who have been standing for their marriages for 7 and 10 years respectively. The other night my W said to me, "Do your friends on the internet (she hasn't ventured here yet) understand that God may want other good things to come their way in lieu of the restoration of their marriage?" She went on to say that we can make an idol of anything including our marriages...and I agree with her. How do you avoid that? NEVER put your marriage above doing God's will...and understand that your value comes from God. In other words, your spouse should not have control over your sense of self-worth! I am trying to walk that walk by giving back to those whom I can help:

• We have taken in a 14 year old girl who was raped last Spring (her baby is due tomorrow)!
• Soon thereafter, her mother and sister moved in because they have been having trouble with their husband/father. So, I suddenly found myself looking at the "other" side of a separation (the woman's side) while I try to encourage the man (who has all but given up).
• Last night I had dinner with 7 men (a monthly gathering) who are standing for the restoration of their marriages. The Steinkamp's of Rejoice Marriage Ministries connected a couple of us and it has grown to over 10 men in total
• Last week my fosterson, his girlfriend, another family friend, and I met FaithIsBelieving (FIB) for dinner in NYC and went with he and his kids to see the Macy's float inflation. Later that evening I met his W. I know many of you are supporting FIB and praying for his family. Please continue!

I will close with one final contrast. Here is my post from May 25th:

Back to cold, dark, distant W....

I wish I could say it didn't matter to me!

I had dinner with 9 men standing in the NY/NJ/CT area last night...and I have some of the MOST positive developments in my sitch...and it STILL sucks! I have a little flu bug and I have been working in the yard all day...I think I am just weary of living ALONE!

Dear Lord...please fill me up so your love will flow out of me TO my W! I know she has NOTHING to give!

Why is this significant? It came ONE DAY before my W threw herself back into the marriage. My post from a few days later (I was too busy to post quicker):

How wrong I was when I posted last Friday that "my W has nothing to give"

Major reconciliation breakthrough started last weekend! I am trying to honor my W's request to have "what happens at home, stays at home". She understands my need to share with so many of you that have prayed for us...so, I told her I would write up my "farewell" post and let her read it before I post. It may take me a while....so, please keep praying that God will continue this unbelievable work in both of us!

God is good!!

Indeed, God is good!