H never came back from Iraq

[MichelleLT]

I am more sad than angry about the whole thing most of the time. I definitely get angry at how he is treating me, and when I can't fall asleep I usually have a broken record in my head going "why??? what did I do wrong??? how can someone who prides himself on his honor break 6 years worth of promises??? how can he think all his problems will be solved if he just finds the "right" person??? can he really delude himself that badly?"

He is not on antidepressants, he would have to admit something was wrong and actually see a doctor for that to happen. I worry that the evaluator will tell him he should be, but they won't be able to force him to take them. He was going to ETS next January, but I think he is extending his contract now - despite the fact that he feels angry/betrayed/disillusioned about the military, I don't think he can see himself in a successful civilian career right now.

As for the OW, I worry that the distance might let things stagger along longer because he won't have to face her or their issues, plus with e-mail and IM and Skype they seem to talk frequently. And the longer he denies our and his problems, the worse his PTSD symptoms seem to get and the more our R deteriorates. I keep thinking if I'm patient he'll hit bottom and realize what he's doing and come to his senses, and yet things keep happening and he doesn't realize anything.

I plan on working for the state when I graduate school and take the Bar. Although that was always up for negotiation since we had talked about moving out of state eventually. After all this, I can say for sure that there's no way in hell I'm ever going near family law.