Boy, could I use some input. Brief situation: Married for 23 years. Three kids, all grown with little grandkids. Wife used to be a sexual dynamo...never had any complaints. In fact, I used to brag and feel quite smug about our healthy sex life. Unfortunately, in the past 12-18 months, she's rapidly gone from HD to very, very LD. We made love three times in the past year, and one of those times, she said it was a "sympathy f___k", which, of course totally destroyed me. I started to withdraw and become depressed. She told me to go to the doctor and get on anti-depressants, which just gave me horrible side effects, but didn't make me feel any better. Of course not, I wasn't getting any love.
At one of my lowest points, I found DB and called and talked to Jodi for three sessions. She was great, and she helped me get a grip on my emotions. But my changing my behavior hasn't really done a damn thing. I've tried to initiate a couple of times in the past two weeks, and got rejected. I'm trying so hard not to show how much it hurts, but I'm in agony. She finally agreed to read the first chapter of SSM, but she just didn't get it. She sympathized with the LD women in the book, but just wouldn't accept the HD spouse's point of view. I've told her repeatedly that it's not about the sex, but the closeness and intimacy. I've told her I miss her touch deeply. It falls on deaf ears. I'm just a male sex maniac. I don't want to leave this woman, but it hurts so, so bad. And I am so, so tired of trying to put on a friggin' happy face (The counselor told me that my sad, pouty disposition was just driving her away).
I have put so much effort into trying to build the relationship, that I'm exhausted. At least when I was withdrawn, the lack of love didn't hurt so much.
Listen, without tooting my own horn, I work out every day, wear nice clothes, keep myself looking good. Other women hit on me. It is so unbelievably hard to turn them away. I don't know how much longer I can hang in there. Personally, I think if I talk to her about my needs one more time, she's going to walk out the door herself. I'm stymied, and just not sure if I can accept a life a celibacy.
