Quote:
that makes no sense. i'd say your intentions are perfectly clear. you love him, and you want the two of you to be together. EXCLUSIVELY together.


Okay, you got me, I didn't write out the whole converstion from earlier. (I also skip other boring details...like when we just have nice chats. Most of it isn't this dramatic...) xh had called to ask me why I was giving him mixed signals. (I was trying to jump him again last night. ) I started the whole physical thing again, the past few days, just to see what would happen. Total 180, try something new, monitor results, etc.

Anyway, xh called to say he was confused. Synopsis of what I told him: I love him, always have, saw all his changes, realized what a great R we could have. That we were both learning and growing, and it was worth reexamining us being together. Yes I had been done for months, but realized how comfortable and nice it is with him, still. (Note to self...should probably also add that our baby is motivation for me as well.) That's why I'm giving him hugs, and trying to ML with him again. (Properly protected, of course!) Because I want to. (He clearly wants to...it's pretty obvious, if you know what I mean.) I told him, like we talked about, I'm not 'hiding' any of my feelings or intentions anymore.

I then told him, I am of course hurt and angry about the JD thing. That's why I feel so hurt that, at times, I can't hang out with him. That I really, really like our time together...however, especially at his house, I find it overwhelming, and often need some space. He of course told me how much he likes it, too, and gave me the 'being friends' shtick. Which reminds me...I need to insert a conversation about how 'exes can't be friends' the next time he says that.

xh said we can't ML, as that causes problems. I told him the ML isn't the issue...it's that JD is in the middle that's an issue. (Insert convo I referenced earlier, where I told him he was being used, it was an affair, he's too blinded, etc.)

Dave...I agree about the competing with an affair. That's why I hadn't tried being affectionate before recently. I already knew that. ;\) After his reaction to my pulling back the past few days, I figured he was more attached than I thought, so I thought I might as well try adding a little affection in to see what happened. The last time I DB'd (granted, he wasn't smack in the middle of a stupid affair), he'd respond really well to the random ILY's and affection. In fact, he ate it up. I believe I tested the waters a few months back, and he shot me down. Figured it couldn't hurt to try again, and see. Which makes me wonder how rosy fantasy world is, after all...

I told him if he wanted me to stop, I would. But he had to be clear with me, and say 'no' or 'stop'. Telling me 'not because you'll yell' or 'maybe later' is ambiguous, and not clear boundary-setting. He asked if I would be mad, and I said of course not. I told him that he is entitled to tell me not to try to initiate or touch him...that's his right, and I respect it.

IIRC, he probably also said something about my being 'welcome' to stay at his house tomorrow when he has the kid. And I, again, told him that made me uncomfortable... Maybe instead of saying flat out no, since he keeps inviting me, I should say "Not while you're still in contact with JD". That way he can't try the "we broke up but are still friends" line, lol.

Anyway....that's the whole convo we had...is that better? \:\)

Azhira

my confusion