Hanging on for dear life

[ba065]

Typical MLC story...H of 23yrs gave me the speech in August when our two kids left for college...ILYNILWY. Says he's in love with OW (married) they have been good friends for 3yrs. Says she doesn't know how he feels...been through hell and back over past 3 months...done some things right, not all. Began C in Sept and convinced him to come with me the past two weeks. He doesn't know what he wants...confused...as for working things out he's at a 3 on a scale of 1-10. Says he's being completely honest for the first time in his life. H moved into ourfinished basement this past weekend. Needs his space while he decides our fate. I'm reading everthing I can get my hands on. Know I need to focus on myself, but can't. Tired of feeling so miserable. Can't eat or sleep. Lost 30 pounds in 3 months (not healthy, although I think I look pretty good). Can't concentrate at work and can't afford to lose my job because of it! I'm glad I found this site and know I'm not alone even though it feels that way.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

ba,

Going to post the same advice I gave to Not Yet:

advice?

Read the resources at the top. DO NOT use the timeline. DO NOT try and figur out what stage your Husband is in. Read MLC for Dummies.

Really try and figure out if your H is having a MLC.

No Relationship Talks.

No Pressure.

Do not seem needy.

Do NOT LET him damage your self esteem.

Realize you can only control yourself.

Learn to validate: "I'm sorry you feel that way."

Do not let him talk to you that way. (that is a personal thing for me.) Be firm but not antagonisitc.

Do not get your hopes up with little things from him right now.

[kissak]

You are definitly at the right place. This is the best support system you can find. Please listen to the advice you are given no matter how hard it seems.

Take care.

[ba065]

Yes, unfortunately it really is MLC....looking back it probably began about 3 years ago...unhappiness with his job...we moved 3 times in 10 months so he could switch jobs 3 times...has never liked the house we bought in 2003 (told me after the closing). The whole ILYNILWY thing came up at the end of Aug when the kids left...of course he said he's been unhappy for 15+ years and was just waiting until the kids left....but bought me a new wedding ring in March 07 and took me on a wonderful ann. trip in June 07...never mentioned his unhappiness then?! Anyway....it's good one day and bad the next....I do attract kindness from him some days and others I can do no right....I'm learning how to treat him to get the "right" reactions, but it's a crap shoot some days. The MOW (is supposedly happily married) but sure seems to make time to see H every lunch hour, after work for coffee (2-3 hours)and the calls between the two at all hours of the day and night are annoying (I'm learning to ignore them. I'm trying to leave it in God's hands...it's hard...I've lost some of my faith...but I know he won't hand me anything I can't handle.