an xh, his FF, Thanksgiving, MIL, and one psuedo-R

[Dom R]

Twenty minutes after I got home, xh called. Was I okay? Was there anything he could do? I thanked him for his concern (instead of giving him a 'duh' response), and just asked when he would be by later.

Pfft.
Tell him the truth, when he asks. quit being a conflict avoider; HE brought it up.

"Is there anything I can do?"
"Why yes there is. Trash that picture of her, instead of just 'laying it down', and dump her.

Even if you wont do it for me.. she's MARRIED. That makes you an adulterer. That really makes me lose respect for you."



["and dont even try the "well we can just be friends garbage"... you already tried that one"]

Things that work...

Obviously, he's more attached than even I had realized.

Just telling him "I'm upset/weird/uncomfortable" and then what seems to work well. I don't justify my feelings. When I don't yell, don't tell him he's being a jerk, he tends to offer to help.

Apparently, he's open to my being affectionate with him now. He's not completely responding in kind, but he's not shoving me off or turning cold like he used to. I ask him if it's okay, and to tell me to stop if he doesn't like it, but I'm going to keep doing this unless he tells me otherwise. I'm also not going to 'hide' my feelings anymore. If I feel like calling him a pet name, I will. If I feel like saying 'ILY', I will. I'm upset, I'm just going to tell him.

I think I need to be 'scarce' this weekend...

Looks like you're going the "compete with OW" route.
Hope it works for you.

My counsellor told me to not try to "compete" with OM, because it's a losing battle. He didnt say why.
My guess is because you're "real",and they're a "fantasy",and fantasy usually wins out over reality. (for people who dont mind living their life in fantasy-land, anyways...)