H never came back from Iraq

[MichelleLT]

What klm and FLTC say is so true. He saw a lot of horrible things and did have to shoot one person. He's totally adrenaline-addicted and has the nightmares, the alcohol abuse, the employment issues (can't maintain a normal schedule, got fired from work) and obviously the marital issues that go along with PTSD. Additionally, he has said/done some things that make me think that these "fantasies" he and the OW are playing with involve what I would term self-mutilation.

He has cut himself off from me, his family, and his old friends because they all notice how much he has changed. Not only does the OW not realize this, but since OW has depression issues and "used to" cut with razor blades, he probably feels more normal around her.

Problem is, understanding this doesn't get me any closer to knowing how to handle it. Plus since he is not on active duty, his chain of command has limited control over him. Compound the problem with his denial and I'm a very, very frustrated woman.

What klm says about hoe OW has taken my place and they are so happy and she is everything I'm not really hits home with me. She is immature, co-dependent, passive, and uncertain. Ironically, looks-wise we are similar, athletic, mid-length brown hair, etc. Personally, I would describe her as a spoiled little rich brat who has never had a job or a real challenge in her whole life. However, H feels protective and needed with her because she's so much younger and he bought her alcohol before she turned 21 and since she's financially dependent on her family he can buy her things (of course, with his financial situation, this is all going on his credit card).

I think what has been said about how I handled everything while he was gone is so true. I took care of both our finances, I moved all our stuff twice, etc. Yeah I missed him, but I got along without him. I went out with my friends, made some new friends, went dancing and kept busy. What frustrates me is I have never believed that anyone NEEDS someone else because I am perfectly capable of doing things on my own, but I WANT someone else in my life, and I committed to H for life! I was so happy to have him home.

I feel like the problem is compounded because the LRT and the 180 are complete opposites in my case. He was always the pursuer, he was always in control of the pace of our relationship. So LRT says don't contact him, but 180 says I need to make the efforts!