I am new to this forum and have been posting under Infidelity where I got great advice. Below are my other threads.
So H had EAs, cyber sex and a PA. We are trying to piece now. I need some advice on how to respond to him on this. He's been initiating some R talks. He never did before. This is the second one he initiated.
He still insists that I couldn't be separated from him. That we are dependent on each other. He says because he feels I wouldn't separate it makes him cool about our problems. That it would be worst than losing his parents because I would still be around.
He says that me being nice to him but setting boundaries looks like a traffic light that is red sometimes and green sometimes and it's confusing to him. That he got mad at me for the boundaries but when he see I was sad he blames himself. He does not understand why I am still hurt if the As stopped. That know I can see he is not a saint but a man. That the EA's and cyber sex was just play and he still don't see anything wrong about it.
I just sat there and listened, did not say anything because in the back of my mind I felt that if I said he would stop venting.
I was angry about how he feels I can be his doormat and not leave. I am concerned now that he's with me because after his parents passed away he has only one family member left besides me. And I am mad he does not understand the boundaries as needs I want to have met.
Anyway, due to my "cucumberish" state he just told me he felt good about being able to talk to me like things are in the past and without distress.
Funny story though: The only question I asked him was now that he knows what we've been through,what could I have done when I found out about the first EA that would have stopped you for good? He said he wish I had set him up and not confronted him, like scheduling a meeting and leaving him a letter instead of showing up and then disappearing for sometime. (Talk about how going dark helps, huh? If I knew then what I know now...)
I am getting the shivers he does not understand my need yet and feel like he's struggling to keep his way in our relationship.
I don't know what to do to show him otherwise. I am trying to piece and afraid that if I take some measure it will scare the heel out of him.
