Many LDs say they didn't "get" it until that gun was pointed at them. Partly because they didn't want to hear anything uncomfortable (who does) but also because that may have been the first time the HD really communicated how serious he or she was, with both words, tone and action to back it up.
Have you said those things that Chocolateyes quoted to your wife? Exactly those words? If not, she's going to be on this board in the not too distant future and talk about how blindsided she was by your leaving/checking out of the marriage/fill in the blank. And that you never REALLY told her what it meant to you. And she'll have some justification.
