WAW staying, I'm leaving to give her space..

[jab]

Well, in theory my plan looks good but reality may be a different thing....

Today is a new day and the rollercoaster got some octane boost! After talking with a friend that went through a similar situation, decided that new C should be the one to suggest I stay instead of me. I would continue with my plans with apt in case something went seriously wrong. Worst case, I'd lose deposit money if I stayed in house instead.

Sticking to my plan, I stayed a little late at work and went straight to AA meeting to give W some breathing room. Got home around 7:30PM. I noticed immediately that W was not in a very good mood (very cold). I continued to act 'as if', interacting happily with kids. W almost immediately asked whether I got the apt yet. I said yes, app is waiting for final approval and then I sign. I said nothing more. D4 throwing a temper tantrum, W not being cool to kids at all, really noticed she was stressing hard (D4 has been acting a little rebellious but noticing W having much harder time).

After kids go to bed, asked W if anything is wrong. She says "I just hate this situation". I just said that I understood. I mentioned to that I made an appt with new C because I couldn't schedule a suitable time with old C and wanted to try new C that was closer to pending apt. She immediately said "you aren't moving out are you?". I first thought that maybe she found my post or something on DB (very nervous for a moment). I replied "I am moving forward with apt but like I told you, I am having second thoughts about it". She blew up. She said f*** the new counselor, she didn't want nothing to do with it (The alien demon possessed woman comes out now). I will try to make this short... Started acccusing me of constantly pressuring her, not doing anything but fighting with her, me wearing wedding ring was pressure, me wanting to put pictures of us in my office pressure, new C was not what she agreed to (it was also pressure), basically everything I do as a living human being is pressure and not what she wants, kids are pressuring, work is pressuring, it went on and on. She said she was going to move out and file D if I didn't get apt and that I was "killing any chance of this M working out", that she couldn't take the pressure and I'm not doing anything she wants. She gave every reason possible why new C was a 'burden' on her. She said alot of things that really were distorted IMO. There is something really wrong going on in her head...her perception of everything is very distorted. I haven't done everything right the last few weeks (learning process, trial and error) but honestly, been doing alot correctly and really trying to help around the house. I haven't touched her in any way (hug, hand on shoulder), no ILU, for over a week now because I knew it was bothering her.

I was calm for the most part through this. I said "how am I pressuring you? We agreed to try another C, we agreed to continue C through S". She said, "No, I didn't agree to anything, I thought once S started, C would stop. You just want a new C because you are not hearing what you want." I said, "If you were in the doctor's and they said you needed surgery and you were unsure, wouldn't you want a second opinion before going under the knife?". I reiterated that I never said I wasn't going to move out, I just said I wasn't sure if it was the best choice based on several opinions and I wanted to make the right choice, give it the best shot before throwing in the towel. She basically then said "Either you move out or I'm filing D papers this week. If you show me the signed APT lease before Thur, then I'll go to new C. If I like her, I'll keep going." I reiterated that I would sleep on the couch if it would help (she immediately said she wanted this). I said "ok" and did last night. She barely talked to me the rest of the night & this morning.

This morning, she said she wanted car to do some things, couldn't take the pressure. I said 'that's good, you should do something'. She said she was getting groceries and later on take kids to mall. I said pick me up from work whenever you want. I noticed her getting ready to leave, more of the makeup and primping. I noticed she wasn't wearing ANY of her rings that I gave her over the years including wedding rings. Ok, she's getting groceries. I then thought to myself, I haven't seen the rings on for awhile now. Wonder if she will have them on when she picks me up? I don't even think she wore them to the bar last week when she went out with friends either. They've been just sitting in her jewelery box. I'm really keeping a close eye on this now but saying nothing. I think her excuse about work is not what's going on. I'm watching her close again without snooping. IMHO she is 'emotionally divorced' and this is scaring the hell out of me.

I think I may have no choice but to leave the house to have a chance with W, but I'm waiting for C on THUR to decide situation. If I do leave, I'm not sure how to handle things. I mean, I know the DB steps work when W leaves, but what about my situation where I'm getting 'kicked out'?