I think what she's trying to tell you is the following distinction:
Yes, even LDs/NDs want their spouse to be attracted to them. But many find it difficult to act upon it sufficiently to keep their LD spouse happy, at least not unless there's some sort of deadline/threat/gun-to-the-head. Some sort of "or else." Or they simply don't fully realize the depth of their spouse's despair and unhappiness.
So, if the LD spouse hears "Honey, I'm very unhappy, and I am no longer willing to live in a sexless marriage, and unless things change by _________, I'm going to have some painful decisions to make," it's very different than hearing "Look, in order to keep my sanity here, I'm just going to have to learn to dial back my sex drive, so I'll stop bothering you about it anymore."
In the first case, she hears "Oh no, my marriage is in trouble -- he's SERIOUS this time!" IN the second case, she hears "Oh good! He's a little frustrated, but it sounds like the pressure is finally going to go away! Why can't EVERYONE just learn to stop making SEX, SEX, SEX so important, anyway!"
