Get Me On A Smoother Ride....Need Advice #7

[SueS]

Good morning-

Not a lot going on last night. I thought H would go work out after he got home, as he typically does on Tuesdays, but he didn't. He started to change into his work out clothes, but then decided to stay home. I asked him about a deal that he was working on yesterday and he told me all about it, without snapping or being cold to me.

There's something not quite right in H's world right now. I'm trying not to pinpoint it because that will drive me crazy, but I can just tell. I believe that OW is still in his life, but there's something different. Again, last night, I kept catching H watching me. As I said in a previous post, H has been drinking a bit more now than he had been for a while. We haven't gotten our large Christmas tree out of storage yet, but H did pull out a small one that we have and put it up last night. H got on his email last night and I heard some music playing. I think I've mentioned before that I believe OW & H send each other songs through YouTube. BARF!! I just simply walked over to H and asked him what he was doing. He mumbled that he was just looking at his emails and then shut down the computer. Then he went to bed. After D3 fell asleep, I sat out in the living room by myself and had a really good cry. I knew H was asleep, so I was okay.

H laid close last night and then initiated intimacy. I made the mistake of trying to kiss him this morning when I left for work. He pulled away a bit. I got pissed and left for work. I guess I attempted to get close to quickly after intimacy. Need to take things slow again and back off for a while.

Goals for today.

-My boss and I had another talk today. I have to say that my plate at work is FULL. It always is. I have to catch up on some things, so that's a goal for today.

-Get that item on Ebay/Craig's List. It stared me in the face last night and I just didn't get it done.

-Keep reminding myself to back off and keep my chin up. I'm a good person and a good mom. I don't deserve this pain. I deserve to be happy and I'm going to be happy with myself today.

I have another C session today. I'll be interested to see what she has to say.

Well, on to work! Have a great day!

SueS