I Was Almost A Walk-Away Wife (next thread)

[saffie]

Sandi,

I read your posts with both awe and sadness. I have not been married as long as you. I have been married 21 years and I found out my H had been having an A just before our 20th anniversary.

We both had stopped showing each other affection and ML felt just like sex. What saddens me most about it now is that it transpires we did both love each other very much but both felt we were no longer loved by our partners. I would go to bed late - wait until my H was asleep - because I didn't want to have to communicate with him. We led pretty much separate lives; not that our friends new that. In the end I sought help with a clinical psychologist and he helped me find ways of opening up and eventually communicating with my H. In the end I wrote my H a long letter and opened up my heart and bared my soul. It left me VERY vulnerable and it took my H days to reply. When he did reply it was to tell me he had been having an A for 18 months with one of his employees. It devastated me. I tried to commit suicide and lived a week of hell. That was followed by a year of being drugged up completely. My H decided to stay with me as he had found out that I really did love him. He had been scared for so long of what the future held for us. Now I am off the drugs but I continue to see the clinical psychologist and am doing cognitive behavioural therapy. It is teaching me to recognise my negative thought patterns and how to turn them around and deal with them. It really helps.

Something else that has helped with the depression is two books in particular - both by a guy called Martin Seligman. They are 'Learned Optimism' and 'Authentic Happiness'. I highly recommend trying them.

You are a good person - never doubt that- and you have a lot to offer others on these boards. Helping others is also a good way to combat depression. Stop focusing on your H and work on making yourself happy - hopefully the rest will flow from that.

Take care

Saffie