WAW came to pick-up 5D yesterday afternoon. 5D was excited to see her hugs, kisses, etc... I smiled at them and she saw. She briefly came inside for things for 5D. We touched elbows and she did not draw away nor slap me. LOL. 5D showed WAW all we had been doing x-mas tree, suncatchers, painting, etc...Wife stared at x-mas tree and tv looking at I guess DVD's or directv, things that were not the same last time she was there. 5D went outside and it made WAW nervous, I got to tell her that 5D and I have that worked out. As she left, 5D came back gave me big hugs, kisses, etc... I told her that her to mind her mommy, you have the greatest mommy in the whole wide world, and she loves you very much, have fun...and off to WAW car she went. At this point, I cranked my truck and left before wife was out of the drive. Wanted to show I wasn't just sitting at home. I really had nothing to do but went shopping. I got the impression she just did not want to be doing what she had to do. In other words, unhappy but not because of me, just unhappy with sitch.
The restraunt meeting is a positive because this is something she reconsidered after saying no a day earlier. Seems if she was so adamant about D she would just say deal with lawyers. However, she cannot get a no-fault/irreconcilable in my state unless I sign, and perhaps she knows that she has no grounds for fault. Thus, she might not get what she wants. Hence, she will make this concession.
I also feel that I will be given many opportunities to validate as you said. Perhaps, this will start as she gets her dinner. Mentioning papers will provide me opportunity to say things such as I understand this what you want. I forgive you for what has happened and really thank you for opening my eyes. I probably will get to mention her on attempt at counseling and thus be able to validate that as well. I will even be able to draw on my sister's "perfect marriage" where they almost split before 8 months of counseling that we did not know about. I also will then be able to say that I want to do what is in the best interest of our 5D and validate how she will feel when she misses her. I feel like I need to be ready for a short "opening statement" and hope and pray I don't have to. Maybe she will not be so strong today. Whereas, I need to be strong, confident, and cheerful. My concerns are 1) I will talk to much, 2) miss validation chances, 3) she be in a hurry to determine 5D life in one evening. I just need to remind myself to listen and pause before I speak. I believe to give her a taste of her new life such as me picking-up 5D after-school every day instead of her mother but not just a list of demands. I guess some contraversy but not "everything". She needs to see her choices and know it's in the best interests of 5D and for no other reason. This will give validation chances, "I understand how you feel but is we need to consider if this is best for our 5D."
I also feel like she has gone so far borrowing money and telling people that she may feel trapped in her decision. I wish I could say something, maybe in my "opening", that will validate those feelings and offer something that would help.
