Please understand that I am not trying to be a difficult person with you. It is just that your questions or statements frustrate me b/c I don't know how to answer you or else I feel like I have explained all of it in my past posts. All you talk about is how my husband feels and you can identify with him, etc. Well, good, then maybe you can tell me something about him b/c he sure won't tell me anything. I've asked him over and over and I don't get an answer from him. He just looks at me and after about 30 minutes tells me he doesn't know how to answer me.
How can I try to define what intimacy is from my husband's viewpoint when the man can't or won't talk to me? I have no idea what he thinks itimacy is outside of just sex! It must not be the close cuddling and sweet intimate talking when a couple goes to bed together. Laying in each other's arms and telling each other how much they are cherished and then that emotional love making leading to the act of physical love making......that is intimacy to me. That is what I grew up seeing in my parents. I thought that was what married couples did and that was certainly what I needed. I keep harping on this fact that that was a very strong emotional need that I craved for over all these years that was ignored. I couldn't get the man to go to bed and hold me and talk to me. If and when he showed up for bed.....I knew it was for sex. How do you think that made me feel? You are always talking about my poor husband. Well, just how do you think I felt all these years sleeping alone and needing to be held and loved? His flimsy excuses from the mattress is too hard to his snoring kept me awake to I used too many pillows.......it's a bunch of crap. I think he is doing what he wants to do which is watch TV until he falls asleep on the couch and then stay there the rest of the night.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
