new here. Feel like dying

[cat03]

I feel very sorry for you, for putting yourself in the hands of this maniac, there is no other word for it, maybe you are so used to his abuse that the things he does to you (screaming on your face, verbally abusing you pretty much all the time, etc) are the norm.
It scares the heck out of me that you'd even consider for a second to bow down to his will just because of a little old man's sweet story about his dying wife, perhaps you forgot the beginning of his story, the did NOT argue, she told she LOVED him, you are being horribly abused right and left.
If he treats you like this while separated, I shudder to think how he'd be once you are far away from your family with only him around.

He mentioned how he wanted you to go counceling, why can't you two go and perhaps there you can bring up all his mad ideas? perhaps, by a miracle, he might start to see how overbearing and bruttish he is being.

Take care, love yourself enough to envision a future where you are loved and respected, where your kids see their mom happy and not abused.