Another thread... another dollar

[theforlornhope]

Jarhead, your most recent events have got me thinking about my soon to be D status. I haven't thought about what I will do about notifications after the D, if not life threatening. (It's a fast track over here.)

Maybe my thoughts can give you some perspective one way or the other. I'm not sure which is right.

FWIW, my STBXW is a CAREER woman since she got this job. (Also where she met the original OM.) She HATES to take a day off for the kids sick, even though her company doesn't track management for sick time. She won't even stretch a vacation day, also not noticed by the company. (No big deal right, she's just motivated?)

A year ago, I was home with S3 who had the flu. S5 fell off the jungle gym at school. The nurse called me, and described the injury, (I was once a cert. EMT.) and advised that she thought it was broken. From the descript. I agreed.

I called W, and told her what the nurse said, and that I agreed. Her reply was something like " she's just a nurse, she doesn't have an X-ray or anything, it's probably just a sprain." when I told her I thought it was a greenstick too, she said someting like, "It's probably not broken, I have a meeting in 15 min, I HAVE to be there, I can't come home."

I took S3, got S5, got his arm set in a cast, (it was a greenstick,) and got home about when she did. She was upset, crying, and "I'm a bad mom, I didn't come home when my kids needed me."

In error, I comforted her and said "you're not a bad mom, I took care of it," etc.

In retrospect, I wish I had let her feel that pain and lack of commitment to her kids. It probably wouldn't have made a difference in where we are now, but I enabled her detachment from the family.

If something like that happens after our D, I will advise her, as you did, but it will be after I take care of business. After I take care of my kids.

If she wants to be a part of the "real-time" family, she can come back.

Just my take bro, I'm not criticizing here.

You did right no matter how the sit turns out. She has to know, and sooner / later is not critical.