day by day

[Larrynarry]

WOW!! Kudos to you and your conversation. It will be interesting to see what happens once he starts the ball rolling on his end.

Do you think he will tell her that you talked?

Aliens.. can't we just send them to space where they belong??

[LL44]

He said he might bring it up that we talked, because he is going to confront her about the note on the car (weeks ago) and the phone calls to our house, since they have a no contact rule. I would rather he not tell OW that I called, but I was prepared that he might. I am no longer 'worried' that H will be mad at me if he finds out I called him.

And yes, I wonder if OW's H moves out, will my H be the very next one to move out........

[Hurtin4certain]

lwb... I think its good you have found comfort in OW H. He is living the same nightmare you are, poor guy.

I wonder why H bought the mantle mirror, he must be feeling really guilty. Just make sure that he's sees your best side before you decide to pull the plug, that way he'll be haunted with his last memories of you as a strong, loving woman who is off to start a new life with someone better than him.

[SallyM]

glad you called and glad it was a good conversation, lwb. I'm confused though...you said separation meant free to date...um, isn't that what they are doing, anyway? living with their spouses doesn't seem to have curbed that at all.

I'm also very confused about the IC ending sessions with the ow because she won't give up your h. um, that doesn't happen, either, in my experience. I'm guessing ow gave up on the therapy herself and that is a line she is feeding her h.

on the other hand, the MC would stop MC due to an ongoing affair, but not an IC. (a mc will stop mc sessions because there is no marriage to counsel, essentially, if an affair is ongoing).

just a few thoughts.

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. but again, wonderfully handled in classic lwb style.

(and I've wanted a mantel mirror for a long time, too. wow, nice going, h. sigh. but does it mean anything?)

[SallyM]

some more thoughts. lwb, right now your h has a fantasy about what life will be like with ow. they both probably have it built up so much in their minds, that there is no way reality can measure up. I can't imagine she has half your grace/understanding/cool headedness, not to mention you are the mother of his children. I think, should they end up together, things won't quite live up to that fantasy.

I know my experience has been different, at least so far. but from what I've read and what I've talked to my friend about, sometimes reality ends up being a huge slap in their faces.

okay, kids are up so gotta run for a bit. will check back later.

[hurtandlost]

Hello lwb,

I am glad that the conversation went well and I hope you are fine.
I wonder if the OW discuss the C with your H and that keeps him around as she says she depends on him. That's not love and not healthy.
May be I am wrong I don't think she's going to agree with a D. It will probably shock her since what Sally is said is true, she will probably won't give up her lifestyle because facing the reality is another thing.
The mirror puzzles me, because although it is out of guilt why someone would buy something for the house if they intend to leave and sell the house?

Keep your strength, you will do great as always.

[SueS]

Hi lwb-

Wow, again, I know this sucks, but you do amaze me.

Many times I've wondered what that conversation with OW's H would be like. At this point I have no idea what is going on with her and her H......if he even knows.

And yeah for the mirror. Nice, but confusing.

Have a great day!

SueS

[LL44]

and I've wanted a mantel mirror for a long time, too. wow, nice going, h. sigh. but does it mean anything?

A few of you commented on the mirror. I don't think it means anything other than he bought a mirror. During the summer, I was convinced when H was doing repairs around the house, in the back of his mind, he was getting ready to sell. The mirror, who knows.

SallyM, also, when we discussed separations versus divorce, we just meant that there really is no point for a separation for either of us, because it won't mean anything. For example, some people on here, (especially those WAS not having A's), separation could be a good thing. In my case (and yours, ugh), it just means full force adultery instead of working on the marriage. OW's H said he doesn't know if he could stomach a separation.

Quiet day here. Nothing exciting. OW's H called my cell phone yesterday, I missed the call. Will call him later.

[Larrynarry]

Just an FYI, but here in Kentucky, you have to be separated for 60 days before the D. Not only that, but the D can take a little while.

Are you guys in separate rooms? Can't remember.. here that does qualify as being separated. My lovely W used my B-day as our separation date. Totally wrong (from a sequence perspective), but since we were in separate rooms and all (not on my B-day!).

[SallyM]

it could be his way of taking care of you, too. the mirror, I mean. h got me an ipod nano last year...we used to share his. I swear in the back of his mind it was making sure I was set with things so he could move on in relative peace. maybe your h knew you really wanted the mirror, so he can feel like he took care of that for you, and can keep on his rotten little path feeling like a good guy.

who knows.

in my case, yes, separation meant full fledged adultery. I guess what I was trying to say is that the full fledged adultery...the real life stuff...may not be nearly as exciting for him as he thinks it will be. they are in the throws of that infatuation stage still, when reality sets in and time passes, its bound to be less than they think it will be. no, this doesn't mean you have to wait around for him, but I know there have been a couple of people from here who did wait it out, and let their h's go, and those h's came running back.

just throwing that out there.