Please, somebody, shoot me! Put me out of my misery...
I keep finding myself in these R talks with W. And all she seems to allow is for me to be the bad guy in our situation. She refuses to see any other way, or accept any of her share in this disaster. And without that, not only will she never truly heal, but it means that even basic reconciliation -- something our sons desperately need for the two of us to be able to properly parent them, whether together or apart -- will be next to impossible.
She really acts like she wants to keep these lines of communication open, strained as they are, but if we get even a hair's breadth close to anything other than me being the villain, she wants to back off while castigating me for all my past wrongs. And the old Catch-22 is that if she wants to talk and I back off, she assigns the old blame of failure to communicate on my head.
Tonight, in response, short of my Last Ultimatum, I have still lobbed the ball back in her court. I asked her point blank to tell me everything she thinks of our situation, what is her "big picture", what are her ideas and plans, what does she want out of life, how do our sons fit into all of this, etc.
It's an opening line of questioning to take us back to the basics, the fundamentals of who she is and who we are and what she sees ahead for us. I may not like the answers even if she happens to be totally candid, but either way, even if she just continues the snow job, I will glean a little of where she really is.
It sure as heck beats being suckered in only to then be crucified by her.
